


To Help You

by PartridgeOnAPearTree



Category: Fate/Grand Order, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: First Time, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Period Typical Attitudes, There's an OC but he's just briefly there to kickstart the premise of the fic lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:14:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 40,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25025239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PartridgeOnAPearTree/pseuds/PartridgeOnAPearTree
Summary: Bedivere receives sexual advances from a king of an allied kingdom, and though he rejects it, it's still true that it's his first time to be the recipient of such. Because of it, he starts to think of and be curious about sex, sexuality, and everything in between, and he feels filthy because he grew up thinking that such things are indecent. He thinks that it's for the best to stop entertaining these thoughts, and he did wholeheartedly plan to, but an incubus who's willing to teach him more already sensed his feelings.
Relationships: Bedivere | Saber/Merlin | Caster
Comments: 20
Kudos: 68





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JaiVe (Buttonforbutter)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Buttonforbutter/gifts).



> AO3 user JaiVe (Buttonforbutter) posted Merbedithur porn, so I was so thankful and happy about that!! I realized that I haven't contributed porn to the Merbedi tag ever, so I dug out this fic that I worked on last year so that I can share some food too hehehe. I dedicate this to you, friend! Thank you for sharing your work!

“Let me repeat this, then, Sir Bedivere.”

“By all means.”

“All trade caravans will be required to declare and post their cargo and approximate worth at least one day before departing…” The leader of one of the kingdoms they only recently allied with, King Theodore the Illustrious, repeats. “…Is that right?”

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

“Wonderful news. This edict will definitely make trade easier. No longer will we have to wonder what is inside the cargo and be disappointed when we guessed wrong.”

Bedivere shows him a polite smile. “The king is pleased he can maintain his good relations with your kingdom.”

“Wonderful news is made even more wonderful when the messenger is just…” The man places a hand on Bedivere’s, giving it a squeeze. “…as attractive.”

Bedivere’s entire face immediately heats up all the way until his neck. “Um, it honors me that you think so…” Would it be rude if he takes away his hand? He will make sure to do it as gently as possible too—would that still be rude? He decides to slip it away as softly as he can. “Well, then… I think I should be going now—”

“Can you not join me for dinner? It truly is getting late, after all, Sir Bedivere.” King Theodore looks out the window as if to punctuate his words. “Surely they do not expect you to be back the same day you left? I am well aware that you are a skilled fighter, but who knows what creatures lurk at night.”

“Really, it is the highest compliment that a king like you would invite me to your banquet. However, I still have some responsibilities that I run the risk of shirking if I choose to stay the night.”

“What will King Arthur do? Send you to the stocks?” King Theodore’s eyes are back to him. Bedivere immediately averts his. “No self-respecting man would be able to do that to someone as beautiful as you, Sir Bedivere. I am sure he will understand if you cannot get back tonight.”

“Uhm… Well, while the matter of my beauty is debatable, one thing that is for sure is the king is a fair man. He will give punishment when punishment is due.”

“I allow you to put the blame on me.” The king smiles. “Tell him I forced you to stay and threw tantrums, screaming about breaking alliances and starting war, when you said no.”

“…I cannot possibly be dishonest to my king, and moreover, I will not want to slander you.”

“But it is true that I am forcing you.” King Theodore holds Bedivere’s hand with two of his, almost as if trying to emulate a begging stance. “Sir Bedivere, when I found out that you will be the messenger again today, I was overjoyed and had my servants prepare a dinner just for us two. Will you not allow me the honor of gazing at your beauty for at least a couple more hours than originally planned?”

So he really did not plan on taking no for an answer…

It is true that Bedivere still has responsibilities back in Camelot, but it is also true that the king actually allowed him not to be back tonight. The king is not as heartless as to overwork his men, after all. The only reason why Bedivere is being so elusive is because he really has no idea how to handle advances like this. It has been so long since he met someone this forward. Bedivere has never been good at knowing how to act in a situation like this, and the fact that this one is a _king_ makes matters even more complicated.

King Theodore is probably around Bedivere’s age, just a couple of years older at most. Just like King Arthur, King Theodore’s parents died before he even had the chance to meet them, forcing him to succeed the throne at a rather early age.

King Theodore was… an attractive man, Bedivere admits. He has curly dark brown hair—rather unkempt, but he still pulls it off somehow—light brown eyes, that type that looks almost like caramel at a certain angle when the sun shines on him, and smooth tan skin.

Bedivere’s thoughts were interrupted when the king squeezes his hand again. “You know, Sir Bedivere, it usually would be the highest form of insult if someone stared at me as intently as you do right now.” Bedivere’s already hot face goes even hotter. He immediately darts his eyes to his feet. He can swear he is about to burn right here. “Hey, I do not mind—you can look at me for as long as you want. Only you I grant this privilege.”

King Theodore lifts his chin with a finger. Bedivere sees that his brown eyes seem to twinkle with amusement. “I… I do not—Pardon me if I am misreading the situation, but is Your Majesty trying to flirt with me?”

He laughs. Bedivere does not understand why. Still, it did not help his growing embarrassment. “I do want to get to know you better, yes. Your face is the most beautiful I have ever seen. No one in my kingdom or in Camelot measures up to you.”

“That… is a high praise.” Obviously, the king has not seen that many people in his life. Bedivere could not possibly accept that compliment. “And it is true that I am honored, I cannot repeat that enough times. However, the moment I became a Knight of the Round Table, I already have decided to give my all to my king. I do not think it proper to get in a relationship, so… I humbly apologize.”

Bedivere immediately bows down his head. He does not know if he is doing the right thing. King Theodore seems like a sensible man. There is no way he would turn this into a kingdom issue… is there?

“Raise your head, beautiful knight.” Bedivere does so as he was told. “So you are saying… that you are King Arthur’s consort?”

“N-No! That was not what I meant!” Bedivere has no words to describe the exact embarrassment that he is feeling at the moment. Nor the current heat of his face. “The king would never—I would never—”

King Theodore laughs again. “I jest, I jest! I did not expect you to get so worked up! However, either way, King Arthur surely is a lucky man. Ah, the things I will do to have you for myself…”

“Please do not say that…”

“I respect that you cannot get in a relationship, but can I not at least share a meal with you?” He brings Bedivere’s hand to his lips and softly kisses it. “I promise to treat you like royalty.”

The food was already prepared. They are just going in circles. King Theodore does not look like he will take no for an answer.

“All right then… Just a meal, and then I will leave.”

“Perfect.” King Theodore smiles. “Let us go.”

The king does not let go of his hand as they walk to wherever they might be eating.

\--

The table was not as massive as the Round Table back in Camelot nor is it like the long and rectangular table other kingdoms might have. It is a small, well, _round_ table that only expects to tend to two people.

“I had this table made especially for the two of us.” King Theodore speaks, unprompted, as if reading Bedivere’s mind. “Anything bigger than this is too far from you. I want to be close enough to be able to reach out and touch your hand.”

“Um… How long have you been planning this exactly?”

The king pulls out a chair. Bedivere sits, murmuring soft thanks, even as he wonders why he is being treated like a… lady. King Theodore smiles as he sits across Bedivere. “Why, almost a month now. Probably one of the best political decisions King Arthur has made is to send you to me.”

Almost a month… That was when the two of them first met. Bedivere cannot recall if he did anything particularly attention-grabbing for the king to be, well, _like this_. “If you will allow me to be frank—”

“Allowed.”

“I do not understand _why_. Why me? Surely you can get any maiden you want. You are charming, sir—”

“You think so?” King Theodore rests his cheek on his palm, smiling happily at Bedivere. “That means a lot coming from you.”

“Y-Yes, but as I was saying…” Bedivere clears his throat. He wonders if the king is trying to fluster him on purpose. “Why me? Anyone else would be a better choice.”

“You sell yourself too short, Sir Bedivere.” The king actually sounded a bit sad when he sighed. “As I said earlier, yours is the prettiest face I have ever seen. No maiden parallels your beauty. Since your looks are pleasing to me, next, I want to know about the person beneath this face.”

“I fear that you are wasting your time. There is not much to know, honestly, I do not think I am very interesting.”

“How terribly jarring. The contrast of your breathtaking beauty and your poor perception of the self, that is.” The king hums. “I find that interesting. Why would someone as wonderful as you think so lowly of himself?”

“I do not think I am very interesting.” Bedivere repeats. “Among the Round Table, I tell you, I definitely am the least remarkable. I have neither the fairies’ blessings nor the sun’s… I have no inherent gifts. I am nothing but an ordinary knight.”

“That just makes you the most human, does it not?” King Theodore reaches out and puts a hand over his. “You do not need those things to be great. Your ability to relate with the people is enough. I may be not your king, but as one, I am sure King Arthur admires you for that reason too.”

“Thank you, Your Majesty…”

“I will have the maids serve the food. While we wait, please just continue talking. I want to hear more about the things you think about.”

Being told that, Bedivere feels like he has forgotten every single thing he has ever thought about in his entire life. “I will try my best.”

\--

The food was amazing. Though, to be fair, Bedivere probably does not have much of a point of comparison. He loves and respects his fellow knights a lot, but one of them—Sir Gawain, specifically—has this… odd penchant for cooking (more aptly, _attempting_ ) which, needless to say, does not really yield stellar results.

Tonight, they had broiled swordfish—he wonders what else has been done to it, he could taste a hint of spice too—and a really huge serving of apple pie. For drinks, they had honey mead. Until now that they have finished, Bedivere can still somehow taste its sweetness.

“Was it good?” King Theodore asks, and Bedivere immediately nods.

“One of the best meals I ever had, Your Majesty. Thank you.”

“Ah, that makes me glad!” He smiles. “We really went all out to impress you. I personally caught the swordfish we had and bought the ingredients for everything else.”

“Really? I have no words. Truly, I am very flattered. I cannot imagine why anyone would go to such great lengths for me, especially a man of your position.”

“It simply is because you fascinate me, Sir Bedivere.” The king watches him with such adoration. Bedivere cannot deny that it is making his heart race. “What else do you want me to do? I really, truly, do want to impress you.”

“You do not have to go out of your way for a little knight like me, Your Majesty.”

“But I want to.” He plants a soft kiss on the back of Bedivere’s hand. “Can you stay tonight? If King Arthur gets angry, then I will personally kneel in front of him as an apology.”

It really is getting increasingly difficult to refuse. It is not the case that he does _not_ want to stay. It is just that he does not know how to handle this that refusal is his go-to response. Ah, what should he do?

“…Please?”

King Theodore really knows how to weaponize his looks… “I… I cannot possibly say no if you ask so nicely. Plus, how impudent do I have to be to deny a king?”

“Ah, wait.” The king pulls away. “I do not want to make you feel like I am ordering you to comply. Sir—no. Bedivere. I want us to be equals. For tonight… please forget that I am a king, and I will forget that you are a knight.”

“I cannot possibly…”

“Just for tonight.”

“…With what name should I address you then?”

King Theodore’s smile was back. He almost seemed like a boy who was praised for something he did. “Theodore, please. Simply Theodore.”

“T-Theodore.” Bedivere cannot believe he is doing this. He gets the thought of referring to his king with just his name, and it flusters him.

“Bedivere.” His voice was just a little above a whisper. King Theodore—no, Theodore. Theodore reaches out from across the table and tucks a strand of hair beneath Bedivere’s ear. “I hope you forgive me.”

Theodore closes the distance between them, giving his lips a chaste kiss. Bedivere instinctively closes his eyes as he feels his face burning. Theodore kisses him another time until Bedivere cannot count how many kisses they had anymore, each of them soft pecks not lasting over a mere second.

Theodore guides Bedivere to finally stand from their chairs while he prolongs the kiss, his arms wrapped around Bedivere’s waist. He moves to Bedivere’s neck and goes back to doing the chaste kisses he was doing earlier, and Bedivere still has not the nerve to open his eyes.

Theodore starts sucking on the flesh of his neck, his hands tapping on the armor around Bedivere’s waist as if saying he wants to take it off now. “Y-You are completely covered.” He whispers against Bedivere’s ear in between kisses to the side of his face. “Even just kissing your neck is difficult.”

“…I-I think I am burning up.”

“Shhh.” He kisses Bedivere’s cheek before sucking on his neck again. He pushes Bedivere’s collars out of the way to gain more access and kisses everywhere he can. His hands roam toward Bedivere’s thighs, and Bedivere stifles a groan.

“W-Wait, ah,” Bedivere puts a hand in between them. Theodore looks at him questioningly. “…I-I do not think we should be doing this.”

“Why not?” Now Theodore looks like a boy who has been robbed. Bedivere feels guilty. “You are attracted to me too, right?”

“Yes—no—I-I am not sure. B-But just, either way, this is inappropriate.” Bedivere straightens his clothes, his hands shaking. “Do you plan to sleep with me? I-I do not mean to offend you, but I do not find it chivalrous to sleep with someone out of wedlock. As a Knight of the Round Table—”

“Marry me, then, Bedivere.”

“Please think more hardly about this. You are a king, Your Majesty. I know you asked me to forget it for tonight, but that is not something I can separate from your identity the way I really cannot separate mine from being a knight.” Bedivere cannot bring himself to look at King Theodore’s eyes. “As a king, for the sake of your kingdom, you will have to produce an heir, and naturally, that is not something I can give you. Please… please give this more thought.”

Bedivere bows. “I should go now. Thank you for your hospitality.”

He handled this calmly, did he not? Even so, what if King Theodore does break all amicable alliances with Camelot because of this? What if Camelot gains one less ally because of Bedivere’s selfishness? Should he have let the king have his way with him, after all?

His doubts would have continued if the king did not speak at that moment. “…You are right. Please raise your head, Sir Bedivere. I admire you even more now for being calm and collected.”

“Thank you for understanding, Your Majesty.”

“Will you need anything for your departure? Food for your horse, food for yourself, anything at all?”

“Nothing, sir.”

“…All right, then. Thank you for tonight. I apologize for how I acted. Please travel safely and tell King Arthur I send him my regards.”

\--

Needless to say, that was the first time Bedivere has ever been in that kind of situation. He feels like his neck still is burning each time he remembers. It was his first kiss, and it was the first time he was the recipient of such… pure and raw want.

He was not able to sleep well last night because of what happened. He does not even understand why everything kept on replaying in his head, as if his ability to recall even the minutest details were dialed up to the extreme. He could not forget the feeling of Theodore—King Theodore’s firm hand on his thigh, and he was ashamed to even know that he got aroused last night when he overthought everything.

Of course, he chose to just throw himself to a tub with cold water in the middle of the night which aided in the ruin of his ability to sleep.

The king had unforgivably soft lips. Bedivere needs to only slightly focus, and it is like he will feel their softness against his and his neck again.

Maybe this is because of his inexperience. Maybe this is because he is largely not used to this that it has shaken him up so badly.

The neighs of his horse pull him back from his thoughts.

“Ah! Sorry about that.” He runs a hand on his horse’s head, and it leans to his touch. “I keep on spacing out. I’m really sorry, I’ll try to go back to my usual calm self as soon as possible.”

He picks up again the brush that he did not even remember setting down and resumed brushing his horse. Since he forced it to travel so much on the way to and from King Theodore’s kingdom with such little rest, he felt that it deserved some pampering. On top of that, he felt that he had to immerse himself with tasks to finally and completely keep his mind off what happened.

So far, it does not seem to be working, but to be fair, not a full day has even passed. Hopefully, give it a few more days, and it would be better…

For now though, he cannot really stop thinking about it. The thought is just gone for a few minutes, but it will come back surely without fail. He keeps on wondering why a king would even think of kissing someone like him, of touching him like _that_ , how serious the king was with that proposal…

The king was definitely just overcome by his emotions.

But Bedivere would be lying if he says he did not enjoy the attention. Sure, it was also true that he was confused and terrified because he does not completely understand the situation, but he enjoyed the idea that he… managed to affect someone that intensely. He enjoyed being kissed and touched with such desire and if he were to be honest, that is the part of all this that bothers him the most.

If he were to be honest, that is the reason why he keeps on thinking about this and not really the kiss itself.

He enjoyed what happened. But he feels that that is wrong. What he said was true. Sleeping with someone out of wedlock is far from chivalrous. Engaging in such casual intimacy is not an option. Really, he should have stopped it before it even got that far.

And it’s too much, far too much, that he’d enjoy something like that. To atone for his shameful thoughts, he should double the responsibilities he will do today.

His horse neighs again, as if scolding him. He apologizes again, and he wonders briefly exactly what it is he really is apologizing for.

\--

But really, Bedivere did the right thing, did he not?

It has been more than half a day, and his thoughts are still preoccupied with what happened. King Theodore is attractive, but Bedivere doesn’t necessarily have an attraction towards him. That’s why, his incessant overthinking of what happened definitely is because of his inexperience. He should be thankful this happened now at a time when it is relatively early in his life instead of later. At least, if ever this happens again in the future—he hopes not—he will not be this affected.

“…Sir Bedivere.”

He immediately shoots up his head—he did not realize he was already firmly staring at the ground—to look at Sir Lancelot on the other end of the arch. The two of them are guarding the passageway between Camelot and the outskirts of the kingdom. It has been a fairly quiet afternoon, but that is still no excuse to space out during work.

“Yes, Sir Lancelot?”

“…Are you all right?”

“Yes! Sorry, did I space out again?”

“Well… The truth is I asked you a question, and you did not respond, so… I guess you did.”

“Oh…” Bedivere can feel the heat of embarrassment in his face. This is far too disgraceful. “I sincerely apologize, Sir Lancelot. Only if it will not be too rude, can I ask you to repeat your question?”

“It’s okay. I only asked if you were not tired. You traveled to another kingdom yesterday and went back a couple of hours after midnight, and now you seem to be overworking yourself. The others told me you decided to brush everyone’s horses earlier and helped out in hunting some meat, later, you are scheduled to help train the new guards, and now… you are in guard duty with me.” Sir Lancelot bites his lower lip. The concern in his face is so evident Bedivere actually feels guilty. “Is there anything wrong?”

Oh, no, he really overdid it… Bedivere has always been hardworking, but Sir Lancelot is right. This is a bit too noticeable even for him.

“Yes, I appreciate your concern, and truly, I am moved, but everything is fine. I just feel like working harder today.”

Sir Lancelot sighs. “You know, Bedivere, you have never been a good liar.”

“…I’m sorry.” Bedivere pauses. “I-I mean, I was not lying! I am just really in the mood to do more, that is all!”

“Sure you are.” Sir Lancelot did not look convinced in the slightest. “Listen, Bedivere. All of us in the Round Table are brothers. If there is anything wrong, no matter how trivial you think it is, please do not hesitate to tell any of us. I will not force you now, but please, when you decide that you are ready… know that I am all ears.”

Ah, that just makes him even guiltier… How is he even supposed to start talking about how much of a disgraceful knight he is? It’s already bad enough that he is the worst knight among the bunch… He just cannot afford more of this incompetence. “Thank you, Sir Lancelot. That means a lot to me.”

\--

Now that Bedivere thinks about it, it really looks like he is overreacting. It was just a kiss—sure, there were many of them, but they were all just that: kisses. The ones on the lips are chaste, even, like King Theodore just wanted to press their lips together for a while.

(Of course, Bedivere is trying his best to completely disregard the neck kisses—)

“Bedivere, good work on the training today!” A cheerful voice greets him. Bedivere is wholeheartedly thankful that this person interrupted his train of thought. This person—the great wizard, Merlin, the king’s adviser and court mage. “Though it’s obvious you have a lot in your mind, but still, you did great!”

Ah, it really was obvious that he is troubled by something. He cannot believe he has let this shake him up this badly. He is not like this—he is known for being calm and collected. He really has to get it together as soon as possible.

“Thank you, Merlin. I didn’t know you were watching.”

“Haha, I’m always watching! I had to make sure Mordred won’t do anything stupid, but since you were there, I was just able to relax behind the scenes.”

“I’m happy to have done my duty well.”

“Eh, but,” Merlin suddenly puts a hand on Bedivere’s cheek as if studying him. Bedivere immediately heats up. Terrible. This is terrible. He is not usually this easily flustered—he swears it’s just because _that_ kind of thing happened last night! “Oh? That’s really interesting.”

“…What is?” Merlin is a great wizard, and though he has always been here with the king much like Bedivere was, Bedivere does not really know the extent of his abilities. If Merlin ends up having some kind of mindreading abilities, Bedivere will just opt to bury himself alive to escape the shame.

“Nothing!” Merlin pats his shoulder twice. “You seem to be really troubled. You are welcome to receive my consultation, okay? Take care of yourself, Bedivere.”

Bedivere promises himself that today is the first and last day he will be this obviously disoriented about something. Tomorrow, tomorrow, surely, he will be back to normal.

\--

Another reason why Bedivere wanted to overwork himself—aside from compensating for the shame that he feels—is that so when he goes back to the privacy of his room, he would be too tired to be kept up by the thoughts that plague him.

Unfortunately for him, he finds out that his effort was not really effective.

Being in a dark and quiet place, Bedivere’s only stimulant at the moment is his mind. He can remember everything again in detail, and he badly wants to throw himself at his tub again. If last night was any indicator though, he should know that that is a bad idea.

He sighs as he crosses his legs. He cannot even begin to explain the disappointment that he feels for himself.

The truth is… he has never touched himself before. When he was a growing boy, he has overheard some conversations, enough to give him a clue on exactly how it works, but he has always been hesitant to actually try. He believes that such acts should rightfully be for a married couple, and being a Knight of the Round Table, he should be honorable at all times.

Even at the comfort of his own bedroom.

Even if the other knights will not find out, he himself knows the truth, and that should be enough.

His hand slowly crawls towards his clothed arousal—why? Why even? Are thoughts really enough to garner this kind of response or is he just really that inexperienced—and he just quietly and gently held it for a few seconds, not moving.

A few seconds was also what it took for him to force himself to stand up and run towards the bathroom and run a cold bath again like he did last night.

\--

Bedivere thinks that the next day, he woke up feeling even worse than he did yesterday. Looks like he has to try harder again today. He’ll try his best to find the perfect balance of being busy so that he will be busy enough to be distracted but not enough to garner anyone’s worry.

Yesterday, he failed to find a good balance, so that means that he has to do better today.

Today will be his day. His mind will not be as preoccupied as it was yesterday. Surely, it was only a day that he needs to recover, right? Anything over that just sounds excessive.

“Bedivere!”

Bedivere simply jolts a bit even if the surprise he felt was more than that. Rather graceful, if he says so himself. He mentally congratulates himself.

His composure almost completely breaks, though, when he turns a bit and sees that Merlin is just over his shoulder, peering over him.

Almost.

“…Merlin. Good morning. How can I help you?”

Bedivere was completely clueless that Merlin was able to sneak up to him in the first place. Good thing Merlin was not a hostile force. If it were an enemy, this situation would be completely different…

“I just thought I should check up on you.” Merlin leans his chin on Bedivere’s shoulder. He seemed to be eyeing the sword in Bedivere’s hand. For this morning, Bedivere thought he should sharpen his sword as today’s first distraction. He immediately stiffens because of the contact. “You weren’t feeling good yesterday, so I wondered how you’re doing now.”

His shoulder is just dangerously too close to his neck. He remembers (again) exactly what he was trying to forget.

“I think I’m doing better today.” He makes sure to keep his cool. “Thank you for checking on me, Merlin. I appreciate it a lot.”

Merlin smells a lot like flowers. So fitting as he is also called the Mage of Flowers. “Are you sure? That you’re feeling better, I mean.”

“Yes. Thank you for caring about me, but I’m really fine.”

“It really doesn’t feel that way, you know.” Merlin whispers. Bedivere shivers. “It seems to me that you’re really on edge about something. Can you tell me what about?”

“…I-I promise I’m not.” Bedivere clears his throat. He has never been a good liar… The least he could do to seem more convincing is to get rid of his stutters. “Maybe it’s your imagination.”

They just stay there. Bedivere hates this. He hates that he can hear his breathing in the silence. Has he always been this sensitive about being touched? It’s so disgraceful, almost like he is an animal in heat. If he was not sure before, he is sure now that he is just overreacting.

“Can I join you?” Merlin’s whisper feels like it was directly outside his ear. It’s not. Bedivere is just overreacting. “I think my sword needs sharpening too.”

“Please feel free to do so.”

“Thank you!” Merlin finally pulls away, and Bedivere feels his breathing space instantly doubled. The relief was short-lived, however, as he sits right beside Bedivere, their sides touching.

He gets the temptation to lock himself up in his room until whatever this is goes away, but he immediately pushes away the thought. He cannot do that. He has responsibilities.

“So how do I do this?”

“Have you never sharpened your sword before?”

“Ahahaha, of course I have! I just want an excuse to talk with you. It’s only been a day, but we all noticed pretty quickly that you were not feeling well. So I thought, it’d be pretty nice if I try to help, huh?”

Bedivere slides a whetstone towards Merlin as he replies. “Ah, I can’t believe I let my incompetence alarm everyone. I apologize. I promise to do better today.”

“Incompetence is not the reason why we got alarmed, Bedivere. We really are just worried about you.”

“I don’t really find it competent to let personal feelings get in the way of work, so I feel that I have done something wrong as a knight.”

“Oh!” Merlin suddenly grabs his hand, and Bedivere jolts again. Please, please, if he has his way, he would not want anyone to touch him again while he is still… not in top condition, whatever that meant. “Yeah, maybe try not to space out too much. You almost cut yourself with that sword!”

“No, I didn’t... Please don’t tease me.”

“Haha, yeah, you didn’t!” Merlin pats his hand twice before letting go. “My point is, even if you're bothered by something, you still manage to do your tasks well, like sharpening your sword here. Incompetence really is not the issue.”

“Thank you. That really reassures me.”

“Though I told everyone to reject you if you offer them help today, haha! I heard you helped out pretty much everyone yesterday. Man, I can’t even imagine that… It’s been a while since I physically exerted myself so hard.”

“Wha—With all due respect, you shouldn’t have done that!”

“Now, now, it’s all good. You should do something fun today.” Merlin does not look apologetic in the slightest… He hums. “Oh, I know. Sir Bedivere, do you know how to dance?”

“Well… I do know a bit. Why do you ask?”

“Perfect! For today, you should teach me how to dance.”

“Do you not know how to dance?”

“Haha, Bedivere, you really ask the right questions. You got me again. I'm just looking for an excuse to dance with you.”

“Um…” Bedivere does his best to ignore the growing heat of his face. Merlin has always been like this to pretty much everyone. Throwing around lines like _this_ … but if Bedivere recalls correctly, he usually does it to the women. This isn’t really helping. Why him? Why now?

“So yes, I know how to dance. And you know how to dance. You know what means?”

“…What?”

“I think this is some irrefutable proof that you should not drown yourself in work today and instead dance with me.”

“I… I don’t agree with that reasoning, and even if I did, dancing will only take a short while. I think I can still squeeze in some tasks.”

“Yeah, but you don’t have anything to do today. You already did everything yesterday, and now, no one will let you help. Plus, dancing is not the only thing I planned for today!” Merlin nods to himself. “There's this group of traveling performers in town today. I chatted a bit with their leader yesterday, and she has agreed to give me a good seat every time I watch. She even agreed to have their lead bard play for me if I want to. Not only that—”

“Wait, um… Are you implying you will take me with you?”

“That’s the plan, yes.”

“I really can’t afford to go on a day of merriment. Even if it’s true that I don’t have tasks for today, who knows when the king will need anything? I have to be nearby at all times.”

“Lucky for you Arthur already said yes!”

“No…”

“Yes! Anyway, have you eaten breakfast already?”

No, Bedivere hasn’t. But if he says that, with how the trend of this conversation is going, Merlin might ask him to eat together. It seems like Merlin wants to make sure he really will not work today by keeping a close eye on him… “Yes, I already have.”

“Bedivere, you're not a good liar, you know. But that’s fine. We can eat after we sharpen our swords. We should go to this place I know, though, because I saw Gawain murdering some potatoes earlier and calling it food. Wouldn’t want to go through tasting those again.”

Bedivere lets out a nervous chuckle at that. Usually, it would have been a funny joke to him, but right now, he’s too tense to actually laugh. “Spending time with you sounds wonderful. Unfortunately, it really will not do my conscience good if I completely disregard my responsibilities today. I'm sorry.”

“I guess it can’t be helped.” Merlin sighs. “You know, Arthur is really curious about those traveling performers. He said he’d love to take a look, but he has a lot of things to do, you know? I heard King Theodore has some business with him today.”

The panic Bedivere felt was instant. He hopes it doesn’t show on his face. What if King Theodore tells King Arthur about what happened? What if King Arthur starts to hate him because he's dishonorable? What if everyone in the Round Table finds out?

“Apparently, they’re going to personally discuss the newest edict—the news you delivered yesterday—and what other new laws they think can help both kingdoms. Not only that, a bunch of people requested an audience with the king, and Arthur agreed, so…”

“Doesn’t this just show that I should stay?” Escaping any possible interaction with King Theodore sounds like the easy way, but it’s not something a good knight will do. “It looks like today is a busy day… It’s more likely for the king to need some assistance.”

“Yeah, but listen. What he's doing today is not what he really wants to do. You get me? He would have wanted to do fun things and watch the performers in town. So he asked me to do that for him today.” Merlin smiles at him. “And for that task, I want you to come with me.”

“Well, if it’s the king’s orders… Are you sure you're not tricking me though?”

“Who knows?” Merlin chuckles. “We can go ask Arthur, but he's busy, you know? Let’s just assume I'm saying the truth. Well, then, are you finished with that? Let’s go, Bedivere.”

Bedivere nods after a while. He wonders if it’s the correct decision.

\--

“Well, our first stop for today is here!”

It feels so strange to be walking around town and not wear armor. Bedivere still took a sword with him—it matters not that he is in relatively casual wear.

Merlin brought him to one of the kingdom’s taverns. A woman putting alcohol in some barrels immediately waves at Merlin when they enter, and Merlin happily waves back.

“Good morning, milady! I brought someone with me today.”

“Oh, my! I can’t believe you’ve done this!” The woman smiles at Bedivere almost as if in awe. Bedivere shows back a small smile and bows his head. “Oh, no, you really did… Or this is an illusion, isn’t it?”

Bedivere politely chuckles. “Is Merlin bringing someone really that surprising?”

“Not really! It’s just that I told him a few days ago that I saw a beautiful knight of King Arthur’s—really, the most handsome man I have ever seen, even Merlin doesn’t stand a chance, I say—and now that knight is here! I can’t believe this.”

Bedivere can feel himself blushing. Why… Why are people saying this? He really doesn’t believe he qualifies to be a superlative when it comes to anything positive. “That’s praise far too grand for me, but I thank you. You're too kind, milady.”

“Haha, you made him blush!” Merlin starts poking Bedivere’s cheek with a finger. “Sir Bedivere, you sinful man. Stealing the hearts of women without even knowing!”

“I—”

“Hey, don’t tease him!” The woman scolds Merlin, but it was only a matter of a few seconds before she looks back at Bedivere. “Kind sir, you are even more beautiful up close. Really, I'm so glad you're not like some shameless womanizer unlike a certain scummy mage we know!”

Merlin finally stops poking Bedivere. “Wahhh! That’s harsh! …Well, not really. Keep it coming!”

“Unless, of course, this meek demeanor is all an act!” The woman completely ignores Merlin’s comments. “But I tell you—that really sells well with some ladies, so even if it’s an act, it’s a good choice!”

“It’s not an act.” Merlin wraps an arm around him and pats him twice. “Sir Bedivere really is innocent.”

“Beautiful.” The woman nods. “Well, I have decided! For today, anything Sir Bedivere orders is discounted. It’s a privilege I don’t usually grant, but I make an exception for you, kind sir, because your beauty once has made me cry in happiness.”

“W-What… No, that will not be necessary—”

“Much obliged!” Merlin interrupts, and he moves Bedivere with him using that arm he put around the latter. “Now then, Bedivere, let’s look for a seat, shall we?”

\--

“Did you like it?” Merlin peers at him after they eat, his chin on the back of his hands. “This tavern serves the best steamed vegetables. Obviously, they do something to it than just steaming it because it doesn’t taste like outright garbage—no offense, I know they're your favorite—so how is it?”

“It’s wonderful, but I don’t think usual steamed vegetables taste like garbage…”

“Mhm. Anyway, they have some cards in this tavern. We should play for a couple of rounds.”

“It does sound interesting, but I personally do not want to try gambling. I'm sorry.”

“Then we won’t gamble money! We’ll just borrow the cards, and we can play on our own. I'm sure if _you_ ask the lady, she will gladly agree.”

Bedivere remembers the woman’s compliments again. This is so embarrassing. “I do not think I should take advantage of her like that.”

“That’s really noble of you, Bedivere, but trust me, she’d be happy to help you. Come on.” Merlin inches his face closer to his. Bedivere can’t help remembering what happened next when King Theodore did the same. So he stands up almost instinctively out of embarrassment and heads to the lady.

He was not even that near to her when she acknowledges his presence with a big smile on her face. He returns the smile to her, trying his best to forget Merlin and King Theodore by extension. Seriously, he has never been the recipient of Merlin’s casual flirtation. How can anyone do that so easily without getting embarrassed?

“Hello, my lady. It’s me again.”

“The handsome Sir Bedivere!” She curtsies. “What can I help you with? Was your food all right?”

“Merlin says this place sells the best steamed vegetables, and I think that praise was well-deserved.” He smiles. “Though I am here to ask a favor… if it will not be too rude.”

“Oh, you are so beautiful, I would gladly go to hell for you!”

“Oh, no, please don’t do that…”

“Well, what can I do for you instead?”

“Merlin and I wanted to play cards, so if it’s okay, we would like to borrow a deck.”

“Sure! You can take that deck.” She points to one of the tables that looks like it’s reserved for games. Good thing the tavern is not busy yet, considering it’s early in the morning. Otherwise, Bedivere would be so guilty borrowing the deck. “Have fun!”

“Thank you, my lady.” He smiles again before he leaves.

Bedivere does not know many card games. Probably the only one he knows is that game where the goal is to have the value of one’s cards be twenty-one or at least the closest to it. If the value goes beyond that, then it’s a losing hand. Straightforwardly, that game is called Twenty-One if Bedivere recalls correctly.

“Welcome back!” Merlin happily takes the deck from his hands, their fingers brushing. Maybe if this goes on enough times, Bedivere will get used to it and stop getting so flustered. He returns to his previous seat across Merlin and waits for whatever Merlin plans to do next. “All right then. I wonder what game we can play.”

“I only know how to play Twenty-One, but I will try my best to learn what game you plan to teach me.”

“Well, we can start with that game! Though to be honest, that’s kind of boring without money involved…” Merlin hums as if in deep in thought. “Ah, I know. Why don’t we bet something else, Bedivere? Anything that isn’t money.”

“…That’s just another form of gambling, isn’t it? Can we not just enjoy the game without all that?”

“Just playing with you sounds plenty of fun already, but it’s even more fun if we do something additional to that! Oh, I’ve come up with something.” There's something about Merlin’s smile that makes Bedivere feels like whatever he's about to say next is nothing good. “How about… each round, the loser has to take off an article of clothing? Sounds fun, doesn’t it?”

“I-I refuse! I would never agree to such a game!”

“Man… It’s a game Arthur really loves.”

“You're just trying to trick me now... There's no way the king would ever…”

“Well, yeah! It was a joke! How lucky would I be if Bedivere plays that with me, though…” Merlin sighs as if genuinely dejected. “Okay, then. How about… the first person to win ten times gets to ask the loser to do any one thing? That sounds better, doesn’t it?”

Merlin should never, by all means, win ten times.

“Okay, but I don’t like anything involving stripping…”

“Then I’ll ask something else! If you win though, I’ll be fine with stripping.”

“I'm not going to ask you to do something like that!” Bedivere briefly wishes that blushes can be mentally willed away. “And anyway, I hope you don’t use magic in this game. A game that is not fair and square is not fun at all.”

“Heh, I’ll try my best! We should take turns in dealing. That way, I won’t be able to cheat you for ten turns straight.”

“That implies you will cheat me every other turn…”

“All right, I’ll deal first!” Merlin shuffles the deck with ease. He hands the two of them two cards each and places the remaining deck in the middle of the table, checking his cards after.

Bedivere checks his as well. A four and a six. Ten is quite far from twenty-one.

“I'm okay with my hand.” Merlin declares. “Will you ask for another card?”

“Yes, please.”

Bedivere receives a queen. All the face cards have the value of ten. He smiles, placing down his cards face up. “I got a twenty.”

“Congratulations!” Merlin puts down his hand, revealing a value of eighteen. “I told you I wouldn’t cheat. That’s one point for you, Bedivere. You deal next.”

One point, nine to go. Bedivere takes all the cards and shuffles them too. He did not do it as skillfully as Merlin did, but it was enough.

For this round, Bedivere got a one and a six. “I'm getting one more.” He declares before getting another card which ended up being a seven.

Ah, fourteen is not yet too near… His only hope is if Merlin received cards lower than his.

“I'm getting one too.” Merlin says, so Bedivere hands him a card. “Ah, I got fourteen.”

Merlin’s cards were a pair of twos and a queen.

Bedivere chuckles as he puts down his cards. “I got fourteen too.”

“That’s interesting. In a case of a tie, is it okay if we consider that round to have no point for either of us?”

“That’s fine with me.”

“All right then.” Merlin smiles as he gets back the deck. “Good luck to us both, Bedivere.”

\--

After sixteen rounds, Merlin is just a point away from winning.

“Bedi, it’s your turn to deal. Though this is what I would call a ‘match point’, you know. Best be careful.”

Bedi…? But more importantly— “Are you sure you are not using magic? It looks like you only let me score five points, experience two ties, and now, you are a point from claiming the win!”

“Haha, I played fair and square! Don’t be a sore loser now. Plus, who knows, maybe you’ll win five games straight starting from this turn!”

“Let me deal for five turns then.”

“Heehee, of course. If you even manage to win this turn at least.”

Bedivere starts dealing the cards. He gets two jacks. He looks up at Merlin to get even a hint of what kind of hand he has at the moment, but all Merlin has is that usual smile when he’s idle—that usual spacey… dreamlike smile.

There's a very small chance he’ll draw a one if he decides to get another card, so he should make do with what he has now.

“I'm good already.” Bedivere says. “Will you get another one?”

“No, I'm fine too.” Merlin puts down his hand. A seven and an eight. “Fifteen.”

“Twenty!” Bedivere puts down his. Wait, why is he even getting so competitive over this?

“Oh, no, you actually won! Now you'll think that I really cheated!”

“Maybe you did, after all.” Bedivere gets all the cards again and shuffles. He thinks he has improved in it even if this game is not that long. He distributes the right number of cards again and sees that he has received a six and a two. “I’ll get one.”

“All right. Mine is already good.”

Bedivere draws a card which ends up being nine. Seventeen. Not bad but not good either.

“Seventeen.”

Merlin chuckles and puts down a five and a queen. “Looks like it’s your win again! But I swear I wasn’t cheating earlier!”

What if Bedivere does end up winning for five turns in a row? That would be really something.

He gets a two and a five the next round. “I’ll get another one.”

Merlin nods. “Me too.”

Bedivere ends up getting an ace. Such a terrible hand… He puts it down. “Just eight.”

“Sorry, Bedivere, but it looks like it’s my win, after all.” Merlin smiles as he puts down his hand. “Fifteen.”

“All right. I accept it. Even if it’s really suspicious…”

“Now, now, I really played fairly!”

Bedivere smiles. Merlin looks sincere enough. “I believe you, Merlin. I'm just joking. Anyway, I really had fun. Thank you for playing with me.”

“Haha, no, thank _you_ , Bedivere, I had fun too!”

“Well, then… Please do not ask for anything weird. I agreed to the terms, so I will do anything you ask.”

“That isn’t stripping.”

“That isn’t stripping, yes.”

“Wahhh, it’s so hard to think of anything that doesn’t involve stripping!”

“…”

“Haha, it’s a joke, Bedi! Please don’t look so disappointed in me!” Merlin pats his hand. “I don’t have anything yet, but I’ll come up with something. When I do, I’ll tell you! For now, let’s just focus on having fun.”

“All right.” Bedivere nods. “What do we have planned next anyway? I agreed to this to watch the performers because you said the king wanted to watch.”

“Well, I remember saying that he wanted to do fun things _and_ watch the performers. Anything fun is good.” Merlin hums. “To be honest, I’d like to watch later when the sun is about to set or something because they perform outside. Right now is just too hot.”

“Ah, forgive me. I was not aware.”

“Now, now, it’s fine! Though maybe we should go see her—their leader, I mean. I’d like our seats to be reserved, you know. Besides, she did say I can ask their bard to play for me. That sounds like good enough entertainment to pass the time.” Merlin stands up and offers a hand to Bedivere. “Let’s go, Sir Bedivere.”

Why is he being escorted like a lady? Again?

Bedivere takes the hand anyway.

\--

“Our second stop for today is here.”

“Mister Merlin!” Bedivere immediately hears the voice of what sounds like a young girl. As expected, it was indeed a young girl who runs towards their direction and practically jumps to tackle Merlin to the ground with how intensely she hugged him. Merlin maintains his footing quite well, chuckling as he returns the hug. “Are you going to watch the performance?”

“Not now, but later, I will. Maybe around two shows after the next one. I brought someone with me. Is that all right?”

Merlin puts the little girl back to the ground as she turns to face Bedivere. “Wow… You're one of King Arthur’s knights! It’s a pleasure to meet you!”

“Hello, young lady.” Bedivere bows his head. “The pleasure is mine.”

“Anyway, of course it’s fine! I expected Mister Merlin would bring someone anyway. You know how much of a flirt he is!”

“W-Well, the two of us are not… flirting…”

“Okay! That makes me like you right away!” The young girl grins up at him. “I like Mister Merlin a lot, and I told him that he just has to wait for me for ten years, and we can be together! Thank you for not being my rival. I would feel really bad to go against a knight…”

“Haha, oh… You can do so much better than him though!”

“Bedi, that’s harsh! Anyway…” Merlin clears his throat. “You said your bard can perform for me if I want, right? Is he available right now?”

“Yup! Go to the private room. I think he's rehearsing there, actually. I hope you enjoy!”

The girl hugs Merlin again and happily smiles at Bedivere again before leaving.

Merlin chuckles. “Such an energetic young girl, isn’t she?”

“Yes. When you mentioned the leader of the performers, I was not really imagining a little girl.”

“She’s very responsible despite her outgoing demeanor. Anyway, let’s go meet her bard. I haven’t met him yet, but she speaks very highly of him.”

“How are you so close anyway? I mean, they are a traveling group.”

“Haha, well, I just happened to be in town yesterday. I don’t really get it myself, but apparently, she thinks I'm fascinating and wants to marry me at first sight. Kids are funny like that.”

King Theodore is not a kid and has done something a bit similar… “Oh, is that so…”

Neither of them say anything again until they reach the room the little girl pointed. Merlin knocks on the door two times, and the response of “come in!” was instantaneous.

They enter the room. The room was just a simple dressing room of sorts, big enough for a handful of mirrors and a comically large wardrobe. Inside was a young man whose age probably does not stray too far from Bedivere’s.

He bows at them both and looks at Merlin. “Are you the Mister Merlin she was talking about?”

“Yup, that’s me!”

“All right. She told me to get ready anytime for your visit.” He shows them a small smile. “I have a lot of songs I can perform. What kind of theme do you want for today? Kingdom? Royalty? Magic? Love?”

“Haha, oh, I like that last one!” Merlin happily nods. “Yes, please, perform love songs for us. Come, Bedi, let’s sit down.”

They sit on a long chair that looked like it tried to be a bench but failed. Despite that, they still ended up sitting so close to each other just like this morning. Just a bit more… Just a bit more and Bedivere will get totally used to this. He reacts less each time, and that is wonderful progress.

“All right.” The bard grabs his lute. “First, I am going to perform this song I wrote called ‘All I Ask of Thee’. I hope you enjoy.”

He starts playing the lute, and just the first few notes already gave Bedivere goosebumps. Such a divine sound… This is definitely one of the most beautiful things he has ever heard.

As the bard continues to sing, Bedivere starts to feel Merlin leaning against him.

\--

“Ah, that’s wonderful! Wonderful, indeed!” At some point of the performance, Merlin’s head has found its way from leaning against Bedivere’s arm to straight up resting on his lap. Bedivere was trying to come up with a way to move Merlin without being rude, and he ends up not thinking of anything even until the performance has ended. “Many thanks to you, dear bard. Now I'm in such a romantic mood!”

“I'm the happiest when people enjoy my music, so thank you too.” The bard bows. “Are you two a couple?”

“No!” Bedivere’s response was instantaneous.

“Ah, Bedi, your firm ‘no’ hurts my heart!” Merlin whines. “What’s so bad about being with me? I won’t mind being with you.”

Bedivere knows that Merlin probably can see up close how much he blushed upon hearing that. “That is not a funny joke, even considering it’s you…”

“Haha, yeah, anyway!” Merlin looks at the bard again, his head still not moving from Bedivere’s lap. “Dear bard, how much gold do you charge for the performance you did?”

“Ah, no!” He waves his hands in front of himself. “She promised you I would perform for you. I think it’s implied that I will be doing it for free. Besides, I think she will get upset with me if I charge you.”

“We will feel bad listening to your art for free.” Bedivere replies. “But if you insist… We will just pay you in another form. Like telling more people to come and watch you.”

The bard smiles. “That would mean so much to me, kind sir.”

“Well, then!” Merlin finally gets up. Bedivere had to stop himself from sighing in relief. “We’ll be off now. Good luck with your remaining performances! Let’s go, Bedi.”

They say their goodbyes to the bard, and they leave.

Somehow, they seem to be walking nearer each other than they did this morning.

\--

“Hm, what to do, what to do…” Merlin murmurs as they walk around the town. Bedivere knows that Merlin and possibly the king too want him to have fun today, but he cannot help but look around the way he does when he is patrolling.

So far, nothing suspicious seems to be around.

“There's still around an hour before the performance that we will watch. Is there anything you want to do, Bedi?”

“Well…” He tries to think of something. Now that he thinks about it, though, he realizes that he really doesn’t do fun things a lot… “Maybe we can just walk if that is fine with you? I do not usually walk around these places for leisure, so even just walking now will be a good experience for me. Unless you have something else in mind, of course. I am also fine with anything else.”

“Ah, good idea! Just walking is fun too.” Merlin puts an arm around him as they walk. “Well, then, Bedivere. Let’s see what the town has to offer.”

“That sounds like a good idea.” Bedivere replies. Merlin’s touch was not as uncomfortable as it was this morning. Maybe Bedivere has finally gotten used to it.

“I know one of the best merchants in the area. She sells a lot of interesting things. If you find anything you like, I'm sure she’d agree to put a good discount.”

“The trend so far today is that you know a lady who will be willing to give you something discounted or completely for free…”

“Well, haha, yeah! But it’s not like I asked for them to do that, you know? Don’t look so suspicious of me, Bedi. I'm a completely fair and square type of mage.” Merlin chuckles. “What type of things does Bedi like anyway?”

What type of things… It should be an easy and straightforward question, but Bedivere has no idea what to say. “Um… Healthy meals, I think.”

“Mhm. What else?”

Wow, this is unexpectedly difficult. “Pretty accessories. Just simple ones that will not get in the way of a fight, like small ribbons. Not necessarily something very expensive.”

“And?”

“Flowers, I suppose.”

“Oh, me too!”

Bedivere chuckles. “You are the Magus of Flowers, after all.”

“I'm so happy you get it!” Merlin actually looks really happy when he smiles this time, unlike when he was smiling because he was definitely plotting something. “I’m called the Magus of Flowers because I like flowers. I don’t even think I can make flowers bloom just by walking.”

If Bedivere were to be honest, the truth is he himself does not know the extent of what Merlin can do. He knows that Merlin is a great wizard, but the specifics of everything are shrouded in mystery. Actually, even Merlin himself is quite mysterious. The two of them have been one of the first members of the Round Table, but Bedivere cannot say that he and Merlin know each other on a deep level.

He knows that Merlin is a great mage, dubbed as the Magus of Flowers, that he doesn’t like formalities, that he seems to have some extent of foresight, rising to popularity due to his prophecies, that he isn’t really that good at fighting—or so he says, but Bedivere has heard rumors that it was actually he who taught King Arthur the ways of the sword—

That he still bites his tongue out of panic when reciting incantations despite being an esteemed wizard, that he generally doesn’t like doing physically exhausting activities, that he's actually reliable when it comes down to it, that he's quite flirtatious and considers himself an expert when it comes to love…

That he's quite unpredictable most of the time, that he likes humans, pranks, and girls—which makes Bedivere wonder why today, he isn’t exempt from Merlin’s… jokes…

All of these things are things that everyone knows, and all of these things are on-the-surface details.

Even Merlin’s origin itself is unsure. Some people say he is nobility—his mother is a princess of Wales, they say—and others say his father is not human—an incubus, specifically—and he dwells in the gap between the moon and the Earth.

“Hey, Bedi, you suddenly stopped speaking.” Merlin had a pout on his face. “What are you thinking about?”

“Ah, I apologize. I was thinking about…” What is he going to say? It’s not like he can just announce that he was wondering about the man’s origins. “Well, I was thinking about how even if we have known each other for years, this is the first time we actually spent together this long just the two of us without counting the times for work.”

That is not a complete lie. It’s true that Bedivere did realize that today.

“Oh, that’s true! I think it’s because you don’t take too many days off, you know. So we only hang out if we work together.”

“Ah, sorry about that… I just feel that I should complete as many responsibilities as I could.”

“Breaks are important. Otherwise, you miss out on spending time with me…” Merlin squeezes his arm. Suddenly, he is aware again that Merlin has an arm around him. “…and I miss out on spending time with you!”

“I will try to keep that in mind.”

“Seeing you in a setting that is outside work is oddly refreshing. Watching you play games, listen to performances, walk around town…” Merlin nods to himself. “Yup, yup, I like it!”

For some reason, that makes Bedivere feel warm inside. At least this time it wasn’t the arm around him that did it. “Today has been really fun so far, and it’s all thanks to you.”

“It’s thanks to you too, Bedivere. Thank you for letting me appreciate you in this relaxed state. Anyway,” Merlin hums. “Tell me about a flower you like.”

“Well, there is the belladonna lily, I think.”

“As in the poisonous flower? I never would have guessed.”

“I mean, I would never really get near it because it’s dangerous, but I think it’s quite pretty to look at.”

“Well, I suppose it makes sense.” Merlin smiles. “After all, some beautiful things really can harm us.”

“How about you? What kind of flowers do you like?”

“I like the belladonna lily too. Well, the truth is any pink and pretty flower will do. Even if they're poisonous, it doesn’t really matter to me.”

Bedivere chuckles. “It makes sense too that a great wizard will not mind if a flower is poisonous or not.”

“Haha, not like I have tried to use a spell that can cure poisoning already! Though maybe I can come up with something if the situation needs it…”

“That will really be helpful, but I do hope we will not have to encounter that kind of situation.”

“Though, as far as I know, only the sap and the bulb of the belladonna lily are actually poisonous, and even then, large quantities of the bulb are needed.”

“That still does not mean that I should go play with it like I would a usual flower.”

“Well…” Merlin smiles at him. “Maybe it’s fine in small doses.”

\--

“Welcome, welcome! Merlin, you look good today! As you do all days!” This must be the lady merchant Merlin mentioned. She had a big grin on her face, and she shortly diverts her attention to Bedivere. “Hello, Sir Bedivere, you look wonderful today too! What are you two looking for today?”

Ah, Bedivere is actually familiar with this woman. She is the usual go-to when the kingdom needs anything from gems to wood to anything else. Bedivere smiles back. “Good day, my lady. You look wonderful as well.”

Merlin chuckles. “Of course you’d know her too. She really is the best merchant around!”

She laughs out loud. “Merlin, it’s _my_ job to butter up people! Anyway, please feel free to look around. Today’s hot items are the Unending Dandelion, antique dolls, and bird food. Yeah, I don’t get it either, trends are weird, but I'm just a merchant! I’ll just be over there if you need anything.”

Unending Dandelion? The other two items sound straightforward enough. This one sounds a bit strange, however. Bedivere feels Merlin’s hand disappear from his arm. Looks like he wants to look at what the store has to offer separately.

Yes, that’s good with Bedivere too. Shopping together while touching will just make them look like a couple… The bard misunderstanding the situation was already bad enough. The shop has more townspeople in it, so there would be more people to misunderstand them if ever.

But then again, they have been walking pretty much all over the town with Merlin’s arm around him… Was it poor judgment to let Merlin do that, after all?

Bedivere walks over to the section that was labeled by a hastily written ‘hot items’. He sees more than a dozen antique dolls, numerous packs of bird food, and some dandelions. He picks up one of the dandelions, and although it looked ridiculously realistic, it turned out to be a toy.

“Hello, Sir Knight!” He hears a little voice. Bedivere looks beside him, and there was a little boy looking up at him. Ah, he recognizes this boy. Sometimes his mother would ask him to deliver things to the castle. “That’s an Unending Dandelion.”

“Oh, yes, thank you, I was wondering about that.” Bedivere smiles at him. “Can you tell me what made it earn its name?”

The little boy nods and gets one of the toy dandelions too. He gives it a gentle puff of air, and the fluff gets blown away. Bedivere notices an attached string that pulls them back. “The string pulls them back, so…” He shakes it, and it was back to how it looked before. “You can do it again and again.”

“Wow, that’s amazing!”

“Right?” The boy grins. “I came up with it because I'm tired of looking for dandelions over and over again. I'm really happy that you liked it!”

Bedivere chuckles. “I like it enough to want to buy one.”

The boy’s eyes light up. “Really!? Ahhh, that makes me really happy! Just tell Mama when you're done looking, okay?”

“I will!”

The boy happily skips away.

It was a pretty fascinating idea, Bedivere agrees. Merlin said that the king would have wanted to have fun instead of being cooped up in the castle with his responsibilities, so Bedivere wonders if he would appreciate this kind of gift.

Yes, that sounds great. He should get one for the king. So that, even with such a simple effort… Maybe Bedivere could see him smile.

Though he does not even know if the king is fond of flowers like Merlin and himself.

Ah, with that thought, he really should buy one for Merlin too. It can be his thanks for Merlin being kind to him and making sure he has fun. Even if Bedivere is probably boring company… Merlin is really doing a great job making it seem like being with Bedivere is enjoyable too.

He hopes Merlin appreciates it even if it is not a pink flower. Or maybe he should look around more. There could be something more fitting.

He moves towards the other sections. Sweet food… Merlin looks like someone who likes sweet food, doesn’t he? Actually, Bedivere can loosely recall seeing Merlin snack on honey one time. But then again, giving a consumable gift is not exactly memorable.

Tea… bread… wine… paint. Does Merlin even paint?

Where is Merlin anyway? Bedivere looks up from browsing what the store has to offer and looks around.

Merlin…

He cannot find Merlin anywhere.

He immediately feels a slight twinge of panic. It’s not that he cannot deal with being alone—he is used to going around this exact same town by himself anyway for work. But the feeling of knowing that supposedly, there is someone with him at the moment—and that someone is suddenly nowhere to be found—it’s an unpleasant and alarming feeling.

Maybe the lady merchant knows where he went. Bedivere looks around, searching for her this time, but even she was nowhere to be found.

Why would a merchant leave her wares unattended…?

“Um…” Bedivere decides to approach the merchant’s son instead. Surely, he would know where his mother is. Or Merlin. “Hello again.”

“Hello to you too—again—Sir Knight!” The kid is grinning brightly like before. “Are you going to buy the Unending Dandelion now?”

“I was looking for more things that I’d like to buy along with the dandelion, but then I suddenly noticed that my friend Merlin is missing.” Bedivere smiles back. “Did you notice where he went?”

“Oh!” The kid’s eyes widen, looking around. “Oh, no, Mister Merlin is not here!”

“Ah, so you did not notice too, huh.” Just where did Merlin go? “I’ll continue looking around for a bit, but I’ll surely buy, okay?”

“All right!”

Did Merlin forget that he is not alone today? Running off like that… Oh, well, maybe they’ll just meet up during the performance. Bedivere decides to just continue looking for now.

The shop has books too, it seems. Does Merlin even like reading? That is something Bedivere does not know about him too.

And then roses. Bedivere does not know how he missed them, but the shop has roses too. The roses that he has had the pleasure of encountering before smell way sweeter, the kind of scent that would immediately take his attention as soon as they are in the same area. Sadly, the ones in front of him now do not seem to have that power, but they are at least as beautiful.

Sadly, too, the only colors they have are red and white. Merlin said he liked pink flowers, so Bedivere would have wanted to give him pink ones, but…

Oh, well, red and white become pink when mixed together, right? Naturally, he cannot mix the roses, but he should buy one of each color and make do with it. They are still pretty flowers, after all.

Bedivere calls the attention of the little boy from earlier, and the child most happily skipped towards him. “Sir Knight, are you going to buy a rose too? You must really like flowers!”

“Yes, flowers are really pretty.” Bedivere smiles back. “I want one red rose, one white rose, and one Unending Dandelion, please.”

“So why is it called Unending Dandelion?” Bedivere feels a hand on his shoulder, and he instinctively turns around. Finally, there was Merlin again with that usual smile on his face. Exactly where he was, Bedivere wonders. “Did you find a lot of things you liked, Bedivere?”

“Mister Merlin’s back!” The kid grins. “Anyway, Sir Knight, wait a second, I will get the ones you asked for!”

“Thank you.” Bedivere tells the kid before turning to Merlin. “They have a lot of interesting things. Where were you? I was looking around earlier, and suddenly, I noticed you were absent.”

Merlin goes back to wrapping an arm around Bedivere like earlier as he inspects some of the roses in the store. “Lady Merchant and I just talked about something. Anyway! Why is it called Unending Dandelion, Bedi?”

“Ah, it’s pretty straightforward, really. It’s a toy that when you blow air to it, the puffs will fly away like it would if it were a real dandelion, but actually there are strings that will pull them back. That way, you can return it after, and you will be able to do what you did again.”

“Unendingly.”

“Yes, you get it.”

“That sounds interesting.” Merlin looks at him. “Do you like the idea of eternity, Bedivere?”

“Well… I was not really thinking of something as deep as that.” Bedivere chuckles, diverting his eyes back to the roses. “Maybe I really should have given this more thought. I just thought it was pretty and clever too, so I wanted to give it to the king since I am supposed to be having fun in his stead today. But maybe it’s a bad gift, after all. Does the king even like flowers?”

“Oh, so you didn’t buy it for yourself. That’s very thoughtful of you, Bedi.” Merlin comments. “But hey, don’t be too hard on yourself. I'm sure Arthur will appreciate any gift from you. As far as I know, the gifts that he usually receives are just polite gestures from other people of royalty. I can imagine it’d be refreshing for him to receive a gift as King Arthur, ‘the king that I love’ instead of being King Arthur, ‘the king whose kingdom I have to get as an ally’.”

“That sounds really rough. The king surely does have a lot on his plate.”

“That’s true. But I think it’s made more bearable by the fact that he has such loyal knights.”

Bedivere was about to reply when the child rushes back to them, handing Bedivere a bag made of sack. It was too big especially considering that he bought only three items. “Here you go, Sir Knight! Please come back again!”

“Wait! You should keep the sack. I’ll just put the dandelion in my bag.” Bedivere smiles back at the kid, patting the small leather bag strapped to his waist, before turning back to Merlin. He takes the two roses as he hands the sack back to the kid and puts the dandelion in his bag like he said. “Are you going to buy anything?”

“No, I think our business is done here. Let’s go?”

“Ah, wait,” Bedivere pulls away for a bit, handing Merlin the roses. He's so happy they didn’t have thorns. “Here you go! I got these for you. They do not have a pink rose, so I thought I should get a red and white one since their colors are pink when mixed together, right? Someday, I will get you a pink flower, but for now… I hope these will do.”

Merlin blinks. Somehow, he looked surprised. Was the idea of buying a red and a white rose to substitute for a pink rose stupid? Merlin’s following chuckle eased his worries a bit as Merlin takes the roses from his hands, their fingers brushing with each other.

“I give you my thanks, Sir Bedivere.” Merlin holds the roses close to his heart and bows. Ah, somehow, this is so embarrassing as Bedivere is so used to bowing to others that it just feels foreign when others bow to him. Actually, now that he thinks about it, he can’t even remember the last person who bowed like this in front of him outside of work.

“M-Merlin, no need to bow…” It’s so weird seeing Merlin so formal! Bedivere almost touched Merlin’s head and forced it to look up. Luckily, he has more inhibition than that. “I am really happy that you liked them. I just wanted to express my thanks to you because you have made this day really fun for me, and the day is not even over. So thank you so much.”

Merlin had a big smile when he looks back up. “Ahhh, really, I could just hug you right now! Your kindness is very pure, Bedi. You're right, this day is far from over. Now I really want to outdo myself and make the day even more fun for you!”

“No need to push yourself! I already am having so much fun with the rate we are going, I promise. If anything, I am worried if _you_ are having fun. I just am largely unused to this—”

Merlin hugs him, and his words immediately disappear. Oh, no, although there aren’t too many people in the shop right now—Bedivere only noticed four people aside from them, the lady merchant, and her child—if anyone sees, they’ll definitely, definitely get the wrong idea!

“Don’t worry.” Merlin whispers. Bedivere gets goosebumps. He thought goosebumps are only caused by cold things, but even the warmth of Merlin’s breath caused such a reaction. Definitely weird… “I'm really having fun too, Bedivere.”

Merlin pulls away, and Bedivere could only pray that the redness of his face isn’t overly visible. That, or Merlin hopefully will choose not to say anything about it.

“I-I think we should leave.” Bedivere clears his throat. “The performance might start soon.”

“You're right.” Merlin’s arm finds its usual spot around Bedivere. At this point, it’s actually a pretty familiar gesture now. “We can’t afford to miss that performance. Let’s go.”

\--

The seats that the little girl reserved for them are in the front row. Bedivere feels really guilty being there considering that some people bothered to arrive early to the venue just to get a good seat, but Merlin told him that declining the little girl’s way of showing them her appreciation is rude too.

The show will begin soon. Now that it hasn’t yet, Merlin is happily examining the roses Bedivere gave. He alternates between gently touching their petals and turning them around over and over. Bedivere feels oddly flattered but also embarrassed because of that, so he just opts not to comment.

“Are you knowledgeable about the language of flowers, Bedi?” Merlin asks in a soft voice, just enough so they won’t bother the others waiting for the show to begin. His eyes were still on the roses, still happily scrutinizing the flowers as he asked, but Bedivere feels him inch slightly closer for him to get heard.

“Well…” Now that he thinks about it… he thinks he remembers overhearing at some point of his life that red roses signify… love… while white roses signify friendship. Oh. Oh, no. Was that why Merlin looked so happy about them? There's nothing wrong with being Merlin’s friend, but the red rose makes it look like he's trying to woo Merlin or something! “…Not really. Just a bit.”

Merlin chuckles a bit. “But you should at least know about red roses, right? They're really popular.”

“W-Well…” It’s already been established that Bedivere isn’t a good liar. On top of that, he doesn’t particularly enjoy lying, so… “…I do know. But I promise it was completely out of mind earlier! I just wanted to give you a good substitute for a pink flower, that’s all…”

“Not like I’d mind.” Merlin looks up from the roses and makes eye contact with Bedivere. His smile… is definitely inhumanly and unfairly charming. Bedivere can feel his heartbeat quickening. He finds it rude that he keeps on looking away when this happens, but he feels that he really has to or else his heart might just explode. “But don’t worry. Red and white roses together can mean something else.”

“I apologize for not being educated about this. Can you tell me what they mean?”

“Now, now, it’s nothing to apologize for. I think this knowledge is more important to someone who gives or receives flowers a lot. And I'm really flattered because,” Merlin chuckles again. “I have a feeling I'm the first person who received flowers from Sir Bedivere.”

That’s… not false.

Before Bedivere can reply, the group of musicians near the stage start to play their instruments. The curtain opens, revealing the first setting of the performance—it was what looks like a house in a city, and wow, Bedivere wonders how people travel with this kind of big equipment.

There was a sole woman on stage prancing about. The emotions on her face looked so real, like she was legitimately sad about something, trying to think of scenarios that could fix what problem she is thinking about—Being an actor seems amazing. Bedivere cannot even pull off a small lie convincingly, yet there are these people who can play an entirely different character.

“ _If only they had never gone!_ ” She proclaims. Bedivere’s attention was completely on her. “ _If the Argo's hull never had winged out through the gray-blue jaws of rock and on towards Colchis! If that pine on Pelion's slopes had never felt the axe, and fallen, to put oars into those heroes' hands, who went at Pelias' bidding to fetch the golden fleece!_ ”

As the woman continues to speak, Merlin gently places his hand on Bedivere’s and leans against his shoulder.

And though his heart was beating fast because of that…

Oddly enough, he doesn’t really want to move away.

Oddly enough, this feels comfortable for him.

\--

The performance was a play called Medea. The actors, the musicians, the people who created the costumes and the backgrounds for each scene were all talented. Despite that, however… the play was not exactly what one would call a “feel good” story.

The titular character Medea has been abandoned by her husband Jason along with their two children. He wanted to have a higher stature in life by marrying another woman—the princess Glauce of Corinth which happens to be the setting of the play.

It was Medea’s story of revenge that ends in death—death of Glauce, her father, and Medea’s children.

Even with this emotionally charged story though, Bedivere found his attention mainly focused on Merlin resting on his shoulder all throughout the performance. Of course he did nothing as embarrassing as to _stare_ , but his mind was conscious the entire time of their position. Merlin’s hand was on his. Merlin’s head was on his shoulder. If he moves too much, Merlin’s head might slip. If he moves too much, Merlin might change positions. If he moves too much this, if he moves too much that—

Merlin sighs beside him, finally lifting his head from Bedivere’s shoulder. His hand, however, stayed where it was. “Ah, that wasn’t romantic at all… Pain and suffering are parts of life, but for tonight, I’d have wanted a cute story, you know?”

They haven’t left their seats yet even as all the other people from the audience cleared the place. Right now, all his head allows him to think is the question of why Merlin is touching his hand like this. Why did he do it for the entirety of the play? Why is Bedivere okay with it?

The sun has completely set by the time the performance has ended. The only light they have comes from the torches in the stage, but even that seems to be cleaned up soon.

The moon seems oddly large tonight, though, and the stars are the most Bedivere has seen in a while.

“Hey, Bedi,” The hand on his disappears, and shortly, Bedivere feels a gentle hand on his cheek. “Are you all right?”

“Um,” Bedivere can feel himself blushing. It’s dark now. Merlin probably won’t notice it. Hopefully. “Yes. Can we talk somewhere privately?”

“Sure. I was going to ask you to dance with me anyway, remember? I don’t think you'd agree if we do it in a public place, so yes, we can talk somewhere privately.”

“What made you think I will agree to dancing in any setting?”

Merlin chuckles. “Good point! But come on, Bedi. Please? You'll make me so happy if you do.”

Ridiculously charming people shouldn’t be allowed to say the word ‘please’. At this rate, charisma really is becoming a battle skill! “F-Fine. But how do two men dance anyway? When I was taught how to dance, it’s always assumed my partner will be a woman.”

“Hmm, yeah, there's something wrong with that, huh? Can’t two men dance together?” Merlin nods. “You know, I can turn into a woman if you want me to, but I wouldn’t because I’d like to object to the notion that two men can’t dance together.”

Merlin as a woman… He wonders how he—she?—would look like.

Surely, she’d be very beautiful.

“Let’s go! I’ll show you a beautiful place.” Merlin holds Bedivere’s hand again, the two roses in his other hand. Seeing those roses reminded Bedivere of what they were talking about before the play even began. The language of flowers… _I have a feeling I'm the first person who received flowers from Sir Bedivere_ … He hopes Merlin has forgotten all about it.

He tightens his hold on Merlin’s hand, telling himself that that that’s only because it’s dark and he doesn’t want to get separated.

\--

“Here we are!” Merlin happily announces.

It was a long and uphill walk from the town square to their destination. Overlooking the town and the docks of the sea was a tall, abandoned tower. Rumors say that this is where Merlin lived before he met the royal family. Others say that since it’s a really tall tower with probably at least five levels, it houses not just one but many mages, some of them probably evil and would test on intruders the effectivity of their spells.

Whatever rumor that has to do with the tower connects to magic, somehow.

And now that Bedivere thinks about it, he has never asked Merlin the validity of those claims.

For a second there, Bedivere actually thought Merlin would bring him to the tower, but it turns out that behind it is an excellent view of the sea, and that is their destination.

“What do you think?” Merlin smiles at him. “It’s a beautiful place, right? If you want to look at the sky, right here, it feels like you're closer. If you want to look at the sea, right here, it’s closer too! It’s the ideal place to relax in this kingdom if you ask me.”

Bedivere can almost taste the salty breeze brought by the sea. “Yes, thank you for showing me this place. I have never really had the chance to go here.”

Merlin laughs. “Hah, I get it! The tower near it has some really weird rumors around it, after all. There's just no reason to go here usually.”

Of course Merlin knows about the rumors. Maybe he has been asked about them too a couple of times before. Because of that, Bedivere scraps the idea of asking too. “Do you go here a lot, then?”

“I guess you can say that. I like it here. It’s nice, isn’t it?” Merlin turns to him, finally letting go of his hand. Next, he bows just like he did earlier when he thanked Bedivere for the flowers, and really, that is the last thing Bedivere expected Merlin to do right now that the surprise in his face must be impossible to hide. “Sir Bedivere, will you dance with me?”

Merlin has a hand offered to him. Bedivere only has to take that hand to agree. And really, he is infinitely thankful he has that option because right now, he does not know if he’ll be able to speak without being a stuttering fool.

Though their hands touched a lot the entire day, he was still nervous as he places his hand on Merlin’s. “I haven’t danced in a long time, so… please be patient with me.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you.” Merlin places his left hand on Bedivere’s hip, and the other holds Bedivere’s hand. Like this, it looks like the two of them are holding the roses together. “Is this all right?”

“You're treating me like the woman.”

“Haha, well, what you said earlier about us being taught how to dance a certain way is true, you know? I don’t really know where to put my hands right now.” Merlin hums, then puts both arms around Bedivere’s neck. The position makes their chests touch, and with the moonlight and this proximity, Bedivere knows his blush might be noticeable again. And even on the off chance it went unnoticed, there was the absence of his armor which most probably does nothing to mask his erratic heartbeat. “Is this better? Anyway, Bedi, you're really tall. I really want to be as tall as you. Would you mind?”

“…What?”

“I can change shapes, you know. Or I can show you an illusion where I'm as tall as you. Either way works.”

Somehow, suddenly, it felt like Merlin has always been as tall as him. Their eyes now meet on the same level, and the temptation to look away has never been stronger. He has heard that Merlin’s ability includes this, but he has never really witnessed it firsthand. “Well, then… Did you change shapes? Or is this an illusion?”

“Does it really matter?”

“I guess so. I want to know if what I'm seeing is real or not.”

“How real is a shapeshifter’s current form anyway?”

“I think, if you shapeshifted to a certain form, that form was real at that given time, at least.”

“Haha, good point!” Despite chuckling just now, Merlin shortly lets out a sigh. “…You know, Bedi, you're making me feel really bad with how your hand is just hanging there. Don’t you want to touch me? My confidence is taking a hit here.”

“Um, s-sorry, I—” Merlin was right. _Where_ should he put his hand anyway? He settles on Merlin’s back. “Is this okay…?”

“Way better.” Up close, Merlin’s beauty is even more otherworldly. He does not have the surface flaws that should be visible at this proximity—the blemishes, the pores, the scars… and if ever there was a doubt that Merlin isn’t human, this dreamlike perfection should remove all traces of that. “Just follow my lead. We don’t have to do this as properly as those people in royal balls. We can even just sway, you know.”

So they did just that. Their feet just move from left to right, right to left, over and over again. It’s a low concentration type of action, but Bedivere stares at his own feet anyway because he doesn’t think he can stare Merlin in the eyes at this proximity. Despite looking away, though, Bedivere can feel Merlin’s eyes on him, and it’s not really helping his nervousness.

They were silent for a while. The crashing of the waves to the shore served as their music for this simple dance. Somehow, the silence was comfortable. He doesn’t feel pressured to immediately resume conversation, and that felt good. This day… really has been the most relaxing day for him so far.

“Anyway,” Merlin breaks the silence, although even his voice was just above a whisper, just enough for their current proximity. “It was you who asked for a private place. Did you want to discuss something?”

“Yes, well…” Talking without eye contact is rude, isn’t it? He forces himself to look up and meet Merlin’s eyes, but he lasted only for like half a second before the heat in his face reemerges. “Forgive me, but I will allow myself to be frank. The entire day, you were flirting with me. Why is that?”

For some reason, that makes Merlin chuckle. “Flirting is harmless. If anything, the better question is why not?”

“Well, I… We’ve known each other for quite a long time now, and you’ve never really done that before. So I'm just wondering… why _now_?”

“Why not?”

“Please stop answering my questions with another question…”

“Haha, okay, okay!” Merlin hums. “How honest do you want me to be?”

That question is a bit unsettling. “As honest as possible, please.”

“Let’s see… Well, short and honest answer, I wanted to help you out.”

“Is there a long version of this?”

“Let me think of how to phrase this.” They continue swaying as they talk. “Well… Ever since you came back from King Theodore’s kingdom, I know that you’ve been, what’s the word, _troubled_. Being me, I just wanted to be helpful.”

Luckily, the mention of King Theodore’s name doesn’t bother him as much as earlier this day. This day really has been something. “I still don’t think I quite understand what you mean.”

“Passionate. Maybe passionate is the better word. I sensed your passion, and I also sensed that you were trying to stifle it. I wanted to help you get it out of your system because I don’t think acting like it doesn’t exist will help you.”

Passionate? Passion? “H-Huh…”

Bedivere’s really, really hoping he's understanding this the wrong way.

“My, do you really want me to spell it out? I never took you for that kind of man, Sir Bedivere.”

“Um? C-Can we just—” Bedivere stops moving his feet. “I'm not sure we’re on the same page…”

“Judging from your reaction, I think you already know what I'm talking about.” Although they stopped dancing, none of them moved from their positions. Merlin’s soft fingers were on his jaw, and just like that, Bedivere couldn’t avoid eye contact anymore. “I can help you.”

This dreamlike charisma… Bedivere can feel himself getting drawn in. But— “No. No. I'm fine. I don’t need help.”

“Why are you trying to stop it? Even when you're alone, you won’t let yourself indulge, right? Otherwise, you won’t be as frustrated as you are.”

“It’s—It’s dishonorable.” Bedivere removes his hand from Merlin’s back and lets it hang limply on his side. “I won’t sin against my king.”

Merlin chuckles. Bedivere wonders if he should get offended. “Do you seriously believe that Arthur cares about what you do in the bedroom?”

“It’s not that I believe that! It’s just that… there are some things that I have to follow to be a good knight. This is one of them.”

“What exactly do you perceive is wrong, Sir Bedivere? Sex itself? Sex before marriage? Sex with a man? Masturbation?”

Bedivere does not usually hear the words ‘sex’ or ‘masturbation’. Most of the time, there's a euphemism instead of the direct word. Sleeping together, doing the deed, copulating, and for masturbation, having alone time… As such, he isn’t really used to saying the words too.

“S-Sex before marriage and masturbation.” Bedivere says them anyway. Those words really feel foreign. “If I want to be a good knight, I shouldn’t do those.”

“Ah, you’ve offended over half of the Round Table with your words, Sir Bedivere.”

“I don’t think you understand, Merlin. I'm just an inexperienced knight who happened to be at the Round Table. Until now, I don’t understand why the king chose a knight as worthless as me to be his knight. That’s why… I have to be stricter with myself when it comes to the rules compared to the others. They're already good knights. But me, I still have a long way to go.”

“Look at you, casually doubting the king’s judgment. And here I thought you have a lot of respect for him.”

“It’s not that—”

“Arthur had a reason for choosing you. It doesn’t matter if you understand it right now or not. He wouldn’t pick a knight who is not competent in any way.” Merlin inches closer again. “Sir Bedivere is a good tactician. Your tactics are not only for one-on-one combat but for when many are mobilized. No other knight has this skill, you know.”

“Well, thank you, but… they make up for it by being really extraordinary in one-on-one combat. Sir Lancelot, for example, I dare say that he's unrivaled. And Sir Mordred—he relents to no one, regardless of what kind of wound was dealt to him. And then there's—”

“I get the point.” Merlin places a finger on Bedivere’s lips and sighs. “It’s really getting me down that your lips are uttering the names of other men when we’re this close together.”

“U-Um… Don’t say it like that…”

Merlin thumbs his lower lip. Bedivere’s already erratic heartbeat now feels like his heart wants out of his ribcage. “I want to hear these lips uttering my name instead.”

Bedivere can’t find the words to reply. Even if he did and he speaks now, isn’t that like an invitation for Merlin to put his finger inside his mouth? Just the thought is making him feel embarrassed.

Merlin continues thumbing his lip. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to rest easy if we don’t do it… knowing that we both want to.”

Bedivere shivers at that. It’s true. The entire span of the day, he found himself increasingly attracted to Merlin. He doesn’t know if this attraction has always been there, untapped and hidden, but he can’t deny the warmth he felt whenever they touched.

He can always blame it on his inexperience, but right now, as he looks at Merlin’s face—that face with such a charm it almost seems like it should rightfully belong in a sweet dream—he just can’t bring himself to remember an instance when his heart beat faster.

Bedivere gently removes Merlin’s finger from his lips, their fingers entwining as their hands descend. “…I know. I predict I’ll be thinking about this for weeks. But I don’t think we should… I'm scared of doing the wrong thing.”

“What wrong thing? Sleeping with me?”

“Being a disgraceful knight.”

“You are an amazing knight, Bedivere. I'm completely certain Arthur agrees. And that’s not going to change even if you say yes.” Merlin puts his hands on Bedivere’s hips again. “…Can’t you allow yourself to be selfish? Just regarding this?”

Bedivere doesn’t know if he's just imagining it, but he thinks he must be shaking when he allows himself to lean his head on Merlin’s shoulder. He wraps his arm around Merlin as if to bury his face deeper, as if to completely hide what he looks like. “…I'm scared.”

The comfort he felt was more than he expected when Merlin reciprocates his embrace. “What are you scared of?”

He doesn’t know either. He shakes his head. “I'm just scared.”

“You're not going to be a bad knight, if that’s what you're thinking.” Merlin runs a hand on his back. That felt nice. “You’re not going to be any less of a person afterward. You're still you, you just happened to have slept with someone.”

“…There's somebody I rejected.” Bedivere whispers even if there aren’t anyone else to hear them right now. “He wanted to sleep with me, and I said no because I didn’t want to do it out of wedlock. So if I agree to doing it with you… wouldn’t it be that I lied to him?”

“Maybe I just happened to be more of your type, hm?” Merlin chuckles. “But more seriously, you shouldn’t feel guilty for turning down anyone, and you shouldn’t be trying to look at these things logically. You wanted to say no, and you don’t have to rationalize that.”

Right. He said it before. King Theodore was attractive, but Bedivere wasn’t necessarily attracted to him. But for a while there, he was really confused.

Spending today with Merlin helped because now he could tell the difference of what he felt with Merlin and what he felt with King Theodore. Sure, he won’t go as far as to declare love for Merlin or anything like that, but right now, he can’t deny that there's attraction, at least.

With King Theodore, it must have just been his surprise as someone who was previously never kissed and touched the way the king did, complicated further by the king’s good looks.

“That helped… Thank you, Merlin.”

Merlin hums, leaning his chin on Bedivere’s shoulder. “Hugging each other so tightly under the moonlight is romantic, isn’t it?”

“Y-Yes…” At least, with this position, Bedivere won’t have to worry about his face being seen. “But you really should stop saying embarrassing things.”

“Haha, I can’t help it! Bedi’s blushing face is one of the prettiest sights I have ever seen. And the way your heart beats against my chest… mmm, can’t say I don’t like it.”

He can’t believe Merlin actually said this! The entire day, Bedivere was praying he would never comment on it even if it was so obvious, but he still went ahead anyway! “Y-You just said something more embarrassing right after I told you not to!”

“Haha, fine, I’ll try not to do it again!” Merlin nuzzles his neck. That tickled. “Mmm, Bedi, I have a question.”

“Yes?”

“May I kiss you?”

The first kiss Bedivere had—he was too shocked to even reciprocate. He just froze there and closed his eyes. That’s why, even if he already had his first kiss, he still feels really inexperienced.

“I appreciate that you asked first. Thank you.” Bedivere finds himself gripping the cloth of Merlin’s robe. Nervousness, it must be. “I-I'm really inexperienced, and I don’t really know what to do, so… once again, I'm asking for your patience.”

“Then, once again,” Merlin pulls away so that this time, their eyes would be meeting again. Bedivere’s nervous—far too nervous—but he steels himself not to look away. “I'm telling you that I’ll take care of you.”

Merlin’s pulls him closer and puts both hands on his cheeks, the stems of the roses lightly tickling his skin. Bedivere closes his eyes as Merlin’s soft lips presses against his. He decides to place his hand on Merlin’s back—he finds that he's shaking slightly—as he tries to return the kiss.

Merlin pulls away before he had the chance to do so though, leaning his forehead on Bedivere’s. “Let’s try a longer one now, okay?”

“O-Okay.”

Merlin tilts his head and captures Bedivere’s lips with his again. It was as if their lips were dancing with each other. Bedivere’s not even sure if he's doing the dance correctly, but Merlin is doing a good job adapting to whatever he does, doing a good job making him feel like he's doing all right the way Merlin did the entire day.

Merlin deepens the kiss, and there was the feeling of being wanted again. Though it was the same feeling of being wanted—the feeling he felt just a couple of days ago, the feeling he doesn’t want to admit he liked—what he's feeling at the moment feels more comforting and more comfortable. It’s completely different from being frozen with shock.

He realizes his grip on Merlin’s robe has gotten tighter—when did that happen?—as he feels Merlin’s tongue trying to part his lips. Bedivere pulls away, his face hot, and Merlin’s dreamily charming eyes then looked as if he can see each and every part of Bedivere’s thoughts.

Merlin thumbs his lower lip again. “What's wrong?”

“I-I don’t know how… with tongue, I mean. I don’t know how.”

“It’s fine. Don’t panic. I told you I'm here to take care of you.” Merlin kisses his cheek. “Just try to meet my tongue with yours, okay?”

“O-Okay. Sorry.”

“Shhh, it’s fine.” Merlin softly pecks his lips. Bedivere closes his eyes again. He feels Merlin sucking on his lower lip, his teeth just very lightly grazing on Bedivere’s skin. Bedivere hesitantly lets his tongue peek out, and it touches Merlin’s.

He didn’t expect them to touch right away as his eyes are closed. It was as if he felt the tiniest twinge of electricity when it happened. This is the dance that he knows completely nothing about. He's trying to copy whatever Merlin is doing as their tongues move against each other.

Merlin tastes nice. He tastes sweet like—Bedivere doesn’t really know to what he can compare this taste, but he likes it. And he's scared that he likes it, he's scared that he wants more of it.

He's scared that now, there's no way that he’ll be able to hear the peaceful crashing of the waves against the shore without thinking of Merlin.

Bedivere tries to deepen the kiss, but Merlin chooses that moment to pull away. Ah, this is so embarrassing. Now he just looks overly eager.

“You're doing wonderful.” Merlin pecks his lips twice before leaning his forehead on Bedivere’s again. “Sir Bedivere… Will you grant me the honor of sleeping with you tonight?”

He's still scared. He's still so scared. What if this is the wrong thing? If this is the wrong thing and he does it, there would be no turning back. If this is the wrong thing and he wants it, that makes him not just a terrible knight but also a terrible person.

If this is the wrong thing, why is it allowed to feel this good and comforting?

“…Are you sure it’s okay?” Bedivere goes back to hiding his face by hugging Merlin. “I do want to… but I'm scared.”

“I'm sure it’s okay.” Merlin runs his fingers through Bedivere’s hair. “You won’t be doing anything wrong against the king or your knighthood. You'll just be taking care of yourself… and I’ll be taking care of you.”

“Okay…” This is an irresponsible thought, but if Merlin says that with so much conviction, maybe he's right, after all. “Then… I’ll leave everything under your care.”

Merlin kisses the back of his head. “Where would you be more comfortable? My room or yours?”

“Mine, I suppose…”

“All right.” Merlin pulls away with a smile and laces his fingers through Bedivere’s. “I’d be flattered.”

He's really nervous about everything, but Merlin’s hand on his as they walk make it better.

\--

Merlin immediately kisses him again as soon as they reached Bedivere’s room. He gently leans Bedivere against the wall next to the room, and there was that gentle electric feeling again. It wasn’t anything painful—it was a feeling that made Bedivere feel alert, feel everything as if he was numb for so long and tonight was the first time he felt something again.

Merlin’s tongue was touching areas of his mouth he thought no other person would reach. Even the kisses on the lips the king gave him were just pecks—ah, wait, wait, it’s inappropriate to think of another man right now, isn’t it?

He hears something ever so softly drop on the floor, and it must be the roses because soon he feels both of Merlin’s hands on his hips, obstructed by no stems. He follows suit by fumbling with his sword and letting it drop on the floor too. Bedivere feels like his body can just melt in Merlin’s grasp right here right now.

He finds his own fingers threading themselves through Merlin’s hair, and it was as soft as he expected. He has always thought of touching Merlin’s hair even before this newfound attraction solely for the fact that it looked really soft… like a sheep’s wool.

He never would have guessed that this kind of setting will be how he touches Merlin’s hair.

Merlin pulls away for a bit, pecking his lips, his cheeks, then his jaw. “Looks like someone left you a present.”

“…Huh?” Bedivere was still trying to chase his breath as Merlin moves away for a bit to keep his view of the bed unobscured.

Bedivere was so focused on kissing Merlin, he didn’t even notice the oddity in his own room. That’s just embarrassing, isn’t it?

There on the table beside his bed was a vase that usually wasn’t there. It was full of purple flowers that Bedivere has never seen before. Those, and a single fully-bloomed red rose with no thorns. Beside the vase was a folded piece of paper. That, too, was not there before.

Merlin snakes his arms from behind, wrapping them around Bedivere’s waist, as he plants soft kisses on Bedivere’s neck. “I feel so upstaged. Someone gave you a whole bouquet. Do you want to read the note?”

“How do you even know it’s a gift? I could have bought it for myself. That paper could be mine.”

“Mmm, guess so.” Merlin chuckles. His breath against Bedivere’s neck tickled. “But when will you even find the time? You don’t go to town for leisure. Besides, Camelot doesn’t have those purple flowers. The nearest you could get some of them is King Theodore’s kingdom—apparently, they import it from another country—but I saw you on the night you came back. You didn’t have flowers with you.”

“You saw me on the night I came back?”

“I told you…” Merlin replies in between kisses to his neck. “…I'm always watching.”

With the details Merlin said, it just makes sense that these flowers are from King Theodore. Bedivere thinks Merlin doesn’t need to know that. “Let’s not think of the flowers.” Bedivere tilts his head a bit to give Merlin more access to his skin. “…Let’s focus on ourselves, okay?”

Merlin chuckles. “I think you're trying to distract me, but all right.”

Merlin tightens his embrace around Bedivere’s waist as he places his parted lips on Bedivere’s neck. Ah, this should be the second time he thought about this, but Merlin’s lips really are so soft. He sucks on Bedivere’s skin for a bit, and then he suddenly stops. “Mmm, I just realized I shouldn’t do that.”

“Is anything wrong…?”

“Well, not really!” Merlin chuckles and nuzzles his face on Bedivere’s shoulder. “I just thought I might leave a mark, and that spot won’t be a good place for you.”

“Ah, yes… Thank you for thinking about me.” Bedivere didn’t even know that kisses can leave marks.

“Can I leave a mark somewhere more hidden though?” Merlin hums. “Maybe your shoulder… or your chest… or your—”

“S-Stop, I'm getting embarrassed. Just… do it somewhere I can cover.”

“Mmm,” Merlin blows a puff of air to his skin. “That’s a lot of power you're giving me, Bedivere. Are you tempting me?”

“N-No… I didn’t even realize what I said…”

“You really are tempting though.” Merlin holds his hand and guides him to the bed. Bedivere didn’t need to be guided to his _own_ bed, but there was something sweet about the gesture, still. “That’s why you're receiving such expensive flowers from someone.”

Bedivere’s legs hit the side of his bed, prompting him to sit down on the mattress. Merlin puts his hands on Bedivere’s side, crouching a bit and kissing him on the lips again. “Do you want to know what the flowers meant, Bedi?”

“Your position can’t be comfortable…” Bedivere decides to evade the question by saying this, but it still was true. Merlin’s knees were on the edge of Bedivere’s bed, his weight supported only by his hands. “You can sit here with me.”

“I just wanted you to invite me to your bed, and it worked.” Merlin chuckles as he takes the offer, immediately making himself comfortable on the bed. He decides to sit on the space behind Bedivere and hugs the latter’s waist again. “Anyway, I asked you. Do you want to know what the flowers meant?”

Looks like Merlin won’t let him avoid the question. “I thought you agreed to just focus on ourselves tonight.”

“Well, I did. But earlier this day, you also said that you're not that knowledgeable about the language of flowers, and I wanted to help you out about that. Since…” Merlin slowly slips a hand inside his top. Oh. Oh, it starts. “…This night is all about that, isn’t it? Helping you out, I mean.”

If ever Merlin places a hand on his chest, his rapid heartbeat will definitely be felt. Merlin’s hand was warm, and that gives Bedivere the wishful thinking that since it’s warm, maybe Merlin won’t notice how much his body is burning up just by being slightly touched like this.

“M-Merlin…”

“I’ll help you out.” Merlin whispers to his ear. Bedivere shivers. “I’ll help you out of these clothes… and then I’ll help you out with my fingers…”

As if to punctuate his words, Merlin starts tracing circles on the area of Bedivere’s chest with his fingers, lightly brushing over Bedivere’s nubs. Bedivere falls back a bit deeper to Merlin’s chest. He didn’t even know that touching that part of his body will ever feel like anything that isn’t a nondescript sensation.

He thought… only women…—

“Did that feel nice?” Merlin hums, the circles he draws going closer to that part now that Bedivere let out that reaction. He presses into one a bit, and Bedivere lets out a soft whimper. “Not many men know that playing with this part can feel good. Luckily, I'm here to help you out in learning more about your body.”

“Should I take off my clothes…?”

Merlin chuckles, kissing his neck. “Be careful with your words, Bedi. I might think you're trying to tempt me on purpose.”

“I-I'm sorry—”

“Shhh.” Merlin kisses the side of his mouth. “I was just kidding. Will you let me help you out of your clothes, then?”

“If it’s no trouble. But um…”

“Mmm?”

“Will you let me help you out of yours, too?”

“I'm sure there are people who will kill just to be in my position right now, Bedivere.” Merlin transfers to Bedivere’s side and places his hands on the sides of Bedivere’s face. “I’ll happily let you.”

Bedivere allows himself to initiate a kiss. If he were to be honest, that must be one of the boldest things he has ever done in terms of social interactions, at least. Merlin indulges him, his hums somehow satisfying to Bedivere’s ears. He feels Merlin pushing him gently so that he’d be lying on the bed with Merlin atop him.

Ah. He can’t believe he's actually doing this. His heart ought to calm down by now considering everything they already did, but it still hasn’t.

There was the smell of flowers again that Bedivere noticed earlier this day. Merlin smells so much like sweet flowers, fitting with how sweet he tastes too. Merlin’s skin feels so smooth against his, fitting with how completely devoid of flaws it was even up close.

He feels Merlin’s hands on the belt of his tunic. To reciprocate, he reaches out to Merlin’s robe and feels around for one of the many ribbons his clothes have. Merlin pulls away a bit, kissing his jaw twice, before letting Bedivere’s belt fall to the floor. “You said you liked ribbons, right? I have a lot of them on my clothes, don’t I?”

“Yes…” Bedivere gently tugs on the ribbon of Merlin’s hood, and he lets that fall on the floor too beside his belt. “I think they look good on you.”

Merlin chuckles, pecking his lips. “You're too sweet.”

Merlin really does help him undress. This must be the fastest Bedivere was able to take off his clothes in a while. Having only one arm really made things more difficult than necessary. If he were allowed to be honest, he misses the times he still had both of his arms, but in the end, he tells himself it’s fine. He lost his arm during battle, and really, he should be honored.

Soon enough, his tunic joins the discarded articles of clothing on the floor. He feels a bit self-conscious being half-naked in front of Merlin who most probably doesn’t have surface flaws on his body too. Merlin belongs to another world, and Bedivere can’t believe he's being allowed to have a glimpse of what that world is like.

Merlin dips down and kisses his abdomen. “You're really toned, Bedivere. You look really good.”

“Thank you…” He's sure everyone in the Round Table are, too, and even better. “Please take off your top too. I feel kind of self-conscious being the only one exposed like this…”

“I will, I will.” Merlin smiles, kissing his abdomen, up to his chest, to his neck, his jaw, and then his lips. “I said I’d let you help out, but now that I think about it, I’d be willing to give you a show too, you know.”

“N-No need for that! I told you to stop saying embarrassing things…”

Merlin chuckles. “I was just kidding! Sorry, I can’t get enough of your blush. I can’t wait to see how prettily your skin flushes in other parts of your body too.”

Merlin is just trying to make him blush. That’s all there is to it. And Bedivere hates that it’s working even if he knows that. “Don’t say it like that…”

“Anyway, here.” Merlin touches his hand and places it on the ribbon of his robe. “Undress me.”

Bedivere sits up. His hand was shaking as he tugs on the ribbon. Merlin must have noticed because he kissed Bedivere’s forehead and whispered, telling Bedivere to calm down. The design of Merlin’s robe was really intricate. It was by no means easy to take off. With Merlin’s help though, it also found the floor in no time.

Underneath Merlin’s robes was a black one-piece garment covering his neck until just above his ankles. Merlin really was covered all the time. However, even during the times he has his hood up with his face hardly seen, one can tell it was a beautiful person, so beautiful to the point of being otherworldly.

And Merlin was otherworldly.

“If I take this off too, I’ll be down to my undergarments. If you take that off too, you will be, as well.” Merlin smiles at him. “But I'm the luckier one because I can already see more of your skin like this.”

“Don’t be unfair… Let’s just take off our last garments at the same time.”

“But I thought we’d help each other out.” Merlin pouts. “All right, I’ll go first. Help me out, okay?”

“O-Of course.”

Taking off one-piece clothing has never been easy, especially one as long as Merlin’s. Bedivere feels like he's unearthing treasure as he helps Merlin remove his garment, making sure that he's careful and gentle. Merlin is by no means fragile, but being faced by such a flawlessly beautiful appearance makes Bedivere feel like he has to handle this with care.

Compared to Merlin, he's so flawed. When he has taken off Merlin’s clothing, he realizes that what he guessed was right. Even until Merlin’s body, there was the complete absence of unwanted details. There's just no way a human being can be this perfect.

“Your turn.” Merlin inches forward and kisses his nose. He pulls down Bedivere’s pants, and Bedivere lets him. Out of embarrassment, however, he firmly keeps his legs together the moment his pants were completely off from his body. “It’s okay. Don’t be shy.”

Bedivere was already slightly hard from everything that they were doing since earlier. It was comforting that Merlin seems to be the same way, but still, he's embarrassed to be seen. He’ll just blame everything on his inexperience like he's been doing for a couple of days now.

“All right, I’ll take the lead.” Merlin takes Bedivere’s hand and places it on the hem of his undergarment. “Take it off.”

It’s just so natural for Bedivere to take orders. Truth be told, this way, he’d at least know what to do next. He pulls Merlin’s undergarment down with the same care he had when he took off Merlin’s clothing earlier, and when Merlin was finally fully naked, Bedivere didn’t know where to look.

He finds it inappropriate to stare. But for the split second he looked at it and how his hand accidentally brushed against it while taking off Merlin’s undergarment, he can describe it as wide in girth. Ah—even if they're in bed together, Bedivere can’t help but feel that he's being really, really inappropriate just by thinking that.

“You look really red.” Merlin sounds awfully smug as he starts peppering Bedivere’s jaw with kisses. “What do you think? Do I look good?”

“…Y-Yes.” Bedivere’s voice sounded so weak. “I don’t… I don’t feel deserving of being the one in bed with you tonight.”

“Shhh.” Merlin kisses him as he takes off Bedivere’s undergarment too. Bedivere dares not to look down. “You look wonderful.”

Merlin gently pushes him back to the bed again. Bedivere allows his back to fall down to the mattress. “Are you still nervous, Bedivere?”

Bedivere nods. He doesn’t know if there are right words to admit to that without being even more embarrassed about the whole deal. “I really don’t know what to do… I'm scared of making fun of myself. You seem like you really know what you're doing.”

“I’ll take care of you.” Merlin murmurs the words he said earlier. “I’ll help you figure things out.”

The promise in his words was reassuring. “Thank you for being so patient with me.”

Merlin was straddling him. Because of that, he can clearly feel the curves of Merlin’s behind. He decides to just focus his attention on Merlin’s face. At least until Merlin dips down and starts sucking on the skin of his shoulder. Now, he decides to just focus on Merlin’s hair by running his fingers through it.

This must be the mark that Merlin was talking about earlier because he was focusing on that specific part. He’d stop for a few seconds to give it a couple of chaste kisses, but he’d shortly resume sucking on it. Bedivere gasps when it started to feel just a tad harsher, and then it was over.

Merlin pulls away but not before kissing it. “…All done. This is a safe spot, isn’t it?”

“Yes… I can cover it with my usual clothes.”

Merlin chuckles. “It’s like our own little secret. It’s a bit exciting.”

Secret… Yes. With what they're doing right now, the two of them are entering something they can never return from, and it’s also something that no one else must know. Such a situation sounds a bit scary. What if something goes wrong? They’d have no one to tell—

No. No. He shouldn’t be so pessimistic. Tonight, they should have fun.

“As long as you can cover it, I can do more, right?”

“Yes… That’s what I said.”

“And I said that’s too much power.” Merlin chuckles. He moves to the space between Bedivere’s legs and spreads them. Heat immediately rises up to Bedivere’s face. He feels so exposed. He's so hard, and it’s just right in front of Merlin. Bedivere can’t help but cover his face with the back of his arm. “Are you embarrassed? Don’t worry, don’t worry! You're cute, Bedivere. All parts of you are.”

Merlin plants a kiss on his inner thigh. He starts to suck on it the way he did to Bedivere’s shoulder earlier. Although this time, maybe he's a tiny bit harsher than he was. That or maybe Bedivere has gotten a little more sensitive? Or maybe because it’s dangerously close to the lower part of his body?

Bedivere doesn’t really know anymore; all he knows is that he can’t stop letting out embarrassing noises. He can feel himself getting harder. This is so embarrassing, but it also feels so nice. Still, Bedivere can’t bring himself to remove the arm covering his face.

Merlin starts to nibble on his skin, and Bedivere bites his own arm to stifle a gasp that was too loud for his liking. Merlin kisses the skin softly, his hand reaching out to pull Bedivere’s arm away his face. “Don’t bite yourself. That’s my job.”

Merlin transfers to sit beside him, looking at Bedivere’s arm. Bedivere finally closes his legs. “You can scream all you want. I enchanted this place so that no one will hear anything.”

“I-I still find it embarrassing.”

“I can even enchant you so that no one will see anything even if I bite you all over.”

“I still find it embarrassing!”

Merlin chuckles and kisses the same spot Bedivere bit, the skin behind his wrist. “I wasn’t going to bite you because it’s your first time, but seeing you do it to yourself really made me want to. May I?”

“U-Um…” Merlin is so charming. Like a dream… “Yes… Go on.”

“Really?” Merlin kisses the spot again and then his wrist. “I bite hard. You might bleed.”

“I think I can endure it.”

“All right.” Merlin starts kissing the tips of his fingers. “Just scream all you want. I won’t mind.”

Merlin sucks on his skin for a bit, and then, he bites down just like he said he would.

And like he said, he bit hard.

Bedivere instinctively closes his eyes, his toes scrunching up. He couldn’t stop the yelp that escaped his mouth. The spot that Merlin bit—is currently biting—feels like it’s burning in a completely different sense than the sensation he was feeling the whole day. The burning that embarrassment brought tickled. This burning, however, was brought by pain, and it stung.

He holds his breath. Maybe this way, the pathetic noises that he's letting out would also stop.

When Merlin stops, he realizes that he went back to breathing hard without meaning to. Merlin licks it—Bedivere wonders if he actually did bleed, he can’t see yet—and then kisses it a couple of times. The dichotomy between the harshness of the bite and the gentleness of Merlin’s lips was almost jarring.

Merlin crawls back to straddling him, kissing him on the nose. “How do you feel?”

“Are you a vampire?”

Merlin blinks twice. And then he laughs. “Of all the things I was expecting to hear—no, no, I'm not!”

Bedivere blushes. Where did that question come from anyway? That wasn’t even what Merlin asked him. “Sorry, I… I feel kind of drained.”

Merlin hums, embracing him. Merlin’s weight over him wasn’t an unwelcome pressure. If anything, Merlin’s warmth was helping him feel even more comfortable. “Yeah, I understand. Do you still want to keep going?”

Keep going… Ah, yeah. That. Bedivere’s heart starts picking up its pace again. “Yes… If you'll just give me a moment. I don’t know why I got tired so suddenly.”

“Oh.” Merlin kisses his neck and then his collarbones. “Take your time.”

With this position, Bedivere can feel that Merlin is hard too. Not like he didn’t see it earlier, but now it’s pressing against him, and it’s making him think of things he would never even dare to fantasize about before. He didn’t know that he’d ever be in this situation—and with Merlin at that.

Merlin has always been beautiful, but Bedivere has never really realized his attraction towards the former before. Before, Merlin was just someone he respected as a skilled wizard and someone he trusted as a fellow person working for King Arthur. That was all it was.

Now, that skilled wizard who worked for King Arthur is in bed with him.

“Here you go.” Merlin tucks a flower behind his ear. “To help you regain your strength.”

It was a pink flower. As far as Bedivere recalls, the only flowers in the vase are purple flowers and one red rose. “…Where did you even get that?”

Merlin chuckles. “Who do you think you're talking to? I'm the Magus of Flowers, you know.”

“I thought you couldn’t make flowers bloom by just walking.”

“Maybe this flower is an illusion.” Merlin kisses his nose. “How is it? Are you feeling refreshed?”

“I guess so… Did that flower really help?”

“Who knows?” Merlin smiles. “If you want to believe it did, then it did. Beliefs are powerful, you know.”

“Magic is also powerful…”

Merlin chuckles. “All right, then. Shall we keep going?”

“O-Okay…”

“Don’t worry. That bite was the most pain you'll feel tonight.” Merlin kisses his forehead. “I promise.”

“Thank you for being gentle with me.”

“Of course. It’d be pointless if you don’t feel good. This is about…” Merlin moves away from him for a while and takes something from the floor. He comes back shortly with a small vial of some sort. “…helping you out, after all.”

Merlin has singlehandedly changed the meaning of the words ‘helping you out’ with everything he has said this day. “What's that?”

“It’s something to make things easier for us.” Bedivere watches as Merlin uncaps the vial and pours whatever is in it to his fingers. It’s a clear fluid, but Bedivere still noticed that Merlin poured quite a lot. His fingers were thoroughly coated, some of it spilling to his palm. Merlin catches Bedivere’s eyes and smiles a bit. “Feel free to tell me to stop whenever, all right?”

“Thank you…”

Merlin spreads his legs again, and soon, Bedivere feels Merlin’s fingers slowly rubbing his entrance. He gasps. That feeling was certainly new. Nothing ever touches that part of his body unless necessary, and he never thought that there would be another person to do so, and that it’s someone who looks as unrealistically perfect as Merlin.

Whatever that liquid was felt slippery that it wasn’t painful at all when Merlin slips inside one of his fingers. He thought it’d be a bit painful because nothing has ever been inside him, not even his own fingers, and he was glad to be pleasantly surprised.

If he were to describe the feeling, the word that he’d use is… probably ‘weird’. Weird, but not at all unpleasant.

Merlin was gentle with his actions. He’d carefully push in his finger and slide it out with the same caution. Soon enough, he puts in a second finger, and Bedivere exhales deeply. Merlin continued what he was previously doing—just simply sliding in and out slowly and gently—and it felt pretty nice.

Bedivere can’t find the correct words to describe the sensation, nor does he have any previous experiences he can compare this to. It just felt completely new, felt completely unique.

Merlin starts bending his fingers a bit inside, and Bedivere pants. Merlin kisses the area of his thigh near his knee, smiling. “Did that feel nice?”

“Y-Yes…”

Merlin hums. “I’ll try sliding them in as deeply as I can. Is that okay?”

Bedivere’s body feels so warm. Even more so when he heard that. “Sure…”

Merlin slides them in slowly. Bedivere can feel Merlin closely watching his reaction, and it’s making him feel so self-conscious. He wonders what kind of face he's making right now. He hopes he doesn’t look too bad, especially since Merlin still looks so flawless.

Bedivere lets out a moan, one that he cannot recognize to be one from himself, when Merlin touches a certain something. _What was that?_ He immediately covers his own mouth. He can’t believe he just let out that much of a lewd sound.

“Hey, hey, don’t do that.” Merlin uses his free hand to take Bedivere’s away from his mouth just like he did earlier. “I told you that you can scream all you like, right?”

“And I told you that it’s embarrassing…”

“It’s a beautiful sound.” Merlin kisses his hand. “I’d really love to hear more of it.”

“M-Maybe if you make those sounds too, I’d feel less embarrassed.” It’s true. Merlin looks so composed. Bedivere understands that they have a very huge experience gap, but the fact that he understands doesn’t mean it will suddenly stop his embarrassment.

Merlin chuckles, kissing the tips of his fingers like he did earlier. “You will hear me making some of those sounds later. For now, I’ll try to hear more of yours.”

Merlin touches that part again, and Bedivere bites his lower lip to keep himself from moaning like that again. Despite that effort, the stifled moan ends up sounding like a whimper that he can’t be proud of either. Merlin repeatedly touches it, each touch a bit harder than the previous, and stifling the embarrassing noises start to get more difficult.

“You'll make your lip bleed.” Merlin finally stops holding his hand. He places his thumb on Bedivere’s lip like he did earlier this evening. “Here, just bite my hand instead.”

Bedivere doesn’t want to hurt Merlin especially over something so unnecessary. Merlin’s fingers start to pick up its pace, and Bedivere finally lets himself moan out loud. His face is burning up—his entire body is burning up—but he doesn’t want to bite Merlin just because he's too embarrassed.

Merlin makes a sound that sounds too suspiciously similar to a pleased purr as Bedivere continues making sounds he never thought he’d make in this lifetime, and then, he feels like something—something, something that feels very _good_ —is about to—

And then Merlin stops.

Bedivere is still shuddering. Why did Merlin suddenly stop? He looks at Merlin who just pulled out his fingers, confused. And maybe a bit anxious. Despite saying so many times that he doesn’t mind if Bedivere screams, what if Merlin got disturbed, after all, now that he kept on moaning? What if he finds Bedivere disgustingly lewd now? What if he thinks Bedivere is dishonorable—

“Hey, don’t look so worried.” Merlin smiles at him and kisses his thighs again. “I stopped because I think you're about to come, and I don’t think you should come yet.”

Come… Ah. Oh. Is that what he was feeling? Bedivere hasn’t really experienced it yet, but it was one of the things he has overheard back then. They said it feels overwhelmingly good, so good that your words will escape you.

“Men usually fall out of mood immediately after coming.” Merlin continues kissing his thighs in between words. “Unless you're a growing teenager or sex-crazed, that is. You're neither, and of course… I don’t want you to fall out of mood so quickly.”

“Ah, I-I get it… I thought I bothered you by being so noisy.”

“What? Did I do anything to make you think that?” Merlin chuckles, moving closer a bit to kiss his nose. “I told you I’d love to hear more.”

“Sorry… It must be my nervousness. I’ll try to be calmer.”

“Haha, or maybe don’t, too. It’d really damage my confidence if you stay completely calm during this.”

“W-Well, that’s not what I meant…”

Merlin hums as he picks up the vial again, and this time, lathers it all over his—ah, Bedivere doesn’t know how to refer to it without sounding so inappropriate. Merlin covers it with so much, even more so than the already generous amount he poured on his hand earlier, while Bedivere wonders if it would even fit. It looks so big and wide and—

Ah, no, no, he should stop thinking about it. He looks away. They're in bed together right now, but that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be rude to stare.

But he couldn’t bring himself to not stare when Merlin lets out a sound that sounds like a combination of a low groan and a hum. Merlin started stroking himself, and just like that, Bedivere’s eyes were glued on him. It might just be Bedivere’s inexperience again—he has never seen anyone naked in a sexual situation before now—but this, in front of him, is really, really…

Erotic… is the word, he thinks.

“M-Merlin. Let me… um… help you out.”

“Mmm?” Merlin smiles at him with half-lidded eyes. The arousal was so obvious in his eyes. Bedivere wonders if his own eyes are making him so visible too. “I’d love that, really. I swear. But it’s your first time, and I want to spoil you.”

“Maybe next time then…” Oh. Bedivere pauses. “I-I mean—”

Merlin chuckles and initiates a kiss. Bedivere’s thankful because he himself doesn’t know how he’d continue that sentence without making things even more awkward. Merlin’s now on top of him again, and Bedivere finds the courage to pull him closer by wrapping his arm around the back of Merlin’s neck. Merlin’s lips part his, and their tongues meet again.

One thing that Bedivere can be proud of is that he's a pretty fast learner. This dance that earlier he completely knows nothing about is at least a tiny bit more familiar to him.

Merlin gently pulls away, ending the kiss with a chaste peck. “Bedivere, I'm going in now. Do I have your permission?”

This is it. This is really it. He can’t believe he's doing this, but even so, he doesn’t feel any hints of regret within him. “Yes…” Bedivere tries to smile. He's so nervous. It’s as if his heart doesn’t want to be a part of his body anymore with how furiously it’s beating. “Thank you for going slow for me.”

“I want to be sure you feel good.” Merlin kisses his jaw. Bedivere feels Merlin on his entrance. It’s way, way bigger than two fingers. He can’t even imagine how it’d feel. Merlin lets out a pleased groan as his tip enters Bedivere, and Bedivere allows himself to inhale deeply.

It’s just the tip. And yet, Bedivere can’t stop his ragged breathing.

It doesn’t hurt. Even if it’s bigger than two fingers—when Bedivere first saw it, he's sure that it has to hurt—it didn’t hurt at all. Maybe it’s helping that Merlin is being so gentle. Maybe it’s helping that Merlin isn’t rushing any of this. “Is that okay? Can I go deeper?”

“Yes… It didn’t hurt. I really thought it would hurt.”

Merlin nuzzles his neck. “I told you that bite would be the most pain you'll have tonight.”

Ah, yeah, that bite… Bedivere looks at the back of his wrist. He can’t see it as clearly as he could because their only light source is the moon from outside, but he can tell that it’s already formed a bruise that looks so much like a human bite, the type that not even a child would believe was from something else.

Good thing Bedivere always wears metal armor that includes his arm…

Bedivere’s thought process halts when Merlin inches even deeper. His senses were filled with Merlin—Merlin’s sweet scent, his beautiful and smooth skin, the low groans and hums that escape his lips—even if Merlin isn’t fully inside yet, Bedivere already feels so full of him in an entirely different sense.

And he likes it.

He never would have thought that he's capable of liking something like this.

“Mmm, your body is really accepting this better than I expected.” Bedivere can almost hear the smile on his words. “You're really relaxed. I'm honored that you trust me this much.”

“W-Well… You’ve treated me well the entire day. There's no reason to distrust you.”

“I did say I’ll take care of you.” Merlin starts lightly nibbling on his neck. “It feels good inside you.”

What's the correct response to that? Thank you? Bedivere doesn’t reply because the embarrassment is already too much without him making it worse.

Merlin whispers directly to his ear. “It’s so tight. It feels really nice.”

“S-Stop it… You're just trying to embarrass me now, aren’t you…”

“Maybe.” Merlin chuckles. “You tightened up around me when I whispered to your ear. Do you like it when I do that?”

“Huh…” He can’t believe his body is giving him away like this.

“Do you?” Merlin whispers to his other ear. Bedivere exhales. “…Haha, I think you do.”

“…P-Please stop teasing me…”

“I’ll try to go as deep as I can now. Is that okay?”

He can’t believe Merlin isn’t as deep as his body allows him yet. Bedivere already feels so filled. “All right… Please be gentle.”

“Of course.” Merlin slides inside, and though he did it slowly, Bedivere still couldn’t control the moan that left his lips. Merlin touched that spot again. Whatever that spot is, each time Merlin touches it, he can’t help but want to scream. “Tell me if I can move already, okay?”

Bedivere tried to say yes or at least any affirmative word, but he hears that the sound he let out ended up being just an unintelligible moan.

“What's that?” Merlin’s eyeing him again with the same half-lidded eyes he had earlier. Bedivere finds himself shivering. He never ever thought he’d be the recipient of such a look.

“…Y-Yes. I said you can move.”

Merlin’s weight was entirely on him again just like earlier, and he likes it. Merlin kisses him as he starts sliding in and out slowly and gently like he did with his fingers before. Like before, too, Bedivere moans each time that special spot is hit. What differs now, though, is that Merlin’s own groans were there to accompany his, and that’s so much better.

He was scared that this would end up being pleasurable just for himself, but hearing Merlin groan with that half-lidded smile makes Bedivere feel a bit more confident. Maybe Merlin is enjoying this as much as he does. Maybe Merlin doesn’t feel that really the entire purpose of what they're doing right now is just to ‘help out’ Bedivere. Maybe, even if Bedivere is inexperienced and he's relatively inactive in what they did tonight, his body is making Merlin feel nice things, at least.

Maybe. He hopes.

He has to last long. He wants to last long. But each time Merlin hits that place, his resolve gets tested. He wants to last long because he doesn’t want to leave Merlin hanging here. They barely just got started with the deed itself, and Bedivere already feels like coming. Maybe this is the perfect opportunity for him to actually blame his inexperience.

He feels so stretched out in a way that he has never even thought of imagining, and it was not at all unpleasant. In fact, it felt good—it felt _great_ —and he doesn’t even want to think about the possibility that this is wrong because it’s so unfair, terribly unfair, for anything wrong to feel so amazing.

Merlin starts to touch that spot again and again, not giving him the time to even have a drawn-out moan, to the point that he's just reduced to a whimpering and gasping mess. Merlin’s movements became faster and harder, and Bedivere really isn’t sure what he wants to say, but the only understandable word that kept coming out of his mouth was Merlin’s name and nothing else.

Ah, he thinks he's drooling a bit. How embarrassing, why is he so— “M-Merlin… I can’t… h-hold it in anymore.”

Merlin pecks his lips. “Then don’t hold it in.”

“B-But…” His own moans are interrupting his words. “You're not coming yet… I-I don’t want to leave you hanging.”

“I'm pretty close too.” Merlin chuckles against his neck. “If you scream my name when you come, I think I might follow suit. Would you like to try?”

Merlin just had to touch that place exactly once more, and Bedivere finally comes, allowing himself to scream Merlin’s name. Merlin does follow suit, and he feels something warm and sticky inside him. His own come falls onto his own stomach, and it was similarly warm. Merlin falls on top of him, his arms firmly hugging Bedivere, as the room falls silent except for their gasps and shudders.

Merlin slowly pulls out, and with him, Bedivere feels his warm come flowing out too.

Merlin embraces him, gently guiding Bedivere’s head to his chest, and they continue trying to stabilize their breathing.

“Merlin…”

“Mmm?”

He feels that he still has so much he wants to say, but he only was able to manage a ‘thank you’.

Bedivere passes out in the comfort of Merlin’s embrace.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a super long thing that was resting in my hard drive, so I was too shy to share, but people are being nice and supportive! Thank you so much, guys! Hope you like this.

Bedivere wakes up in the comfort of Merlin’s embrace.

The first thing he notices is that his hair is now down. Merlin must have removed his hair tubes for him. Next is the fact that his head was on Merlin’s chest, and one of Merlin’s arms was wrapped around him. There was a bowl of bunches of grapes and apples beside Merlin, and he had an apple in his hand. From what Bedivere can see, it seems that Merlin has been awake for a while. Half of the apple has already been eaten, and some of the bunches of grapes in the bowl were already incomplete.

Now that Bedivere has a more reliable light source coming from the sun, he just can’t find the words for the fact that until now, Merlin’s superficial flaws are nowhere to be found. If anything, he looks even more otherworldly now with his hair appearing to have the colors of the rainbow under the light of the sun.

Merlin… definitely looks like he belongs to a painting. Or a dream. Both is correct.

“Mmm, I enjoy the attention, and I’d let you stare, but,” Merlin meets his eyes as he bites into the apple. Bedivere’s back immediately starts to feel hot. “First, I’d like to ask. How are you feeling?”

“U-Um…” Bedivere looks away. Not even a couple of minutes awake, and his face is burning again. “A bit exhausted.”

“Hey, it’s okay to stare. I said I enjoy it.” Merlin chuckles. He puts the apple in front of Bedivere’s face. “Here, take a bite. It might help.”

Bedivere takes a bite. Now that he thinks about it, they didn’t have dinner yesterday. “Thank you. Have you been up for long?”

“Yeah, you can say that. Don’t worry about it, though.” Merlin sprinkles something over his head. Bedivere instinctively shakes them off, and they turn out to be… petals of that flower Merlin put behind his ear last night. “Haha, sorry, but my flowers will help you feel better. I'm a mage, after all.”

Bedivere sits up and takes one of the apples from the basket. “Where did you even get these fruits?”

“I took some from the reception hall. I made sure to hide myself from Gawain too since I saw him beating up a cabbage. Don’t worry though, no one saw me leaving your room.”

“Ah… Thank you for being so considerate.” The apple was really sweet, obviously freshly harvested.

“How exhausted are you, exactly?”

“Well… I think I’d prefer tasks that require me to stay in the castle today. Though, of course, if the king requires something that needs me to go outside, I’ll do my best.”

“You know, I have a feeling you don’t know something very important.” Merlin takes a bite from the apple again. “I wanted to tell you last night, but I couldn’t find the correct timing, you know?”

Bedivere starts to feel nervous. “What is it?”

Merlin hums. “Let’s see… How to say this… Well, I don’t think there's a less shocking way to say it, so I’ll just be upfront. Bedi, I'm part-incubus, you know. That’s why you're so tired right now.”

“Oh… Huh?” Whoa, those rumors were true? Just how accurate were the other rumors surrounding Merlin, then? Did he really live in that weird tower overlooking the town? Is his mother really a princess? Or… Wait, is Merlin joking around with him? “Are you serious right now…? Am I going to die?”

“Die?” Merlin repeats, and then he chuckles. “No! Who told you that?”

Merlin dips down and kisses his forehead. Now that it’s morning and they can see each other clearer, even a kiss feels more embarrassing than it did last night. “It’s fine in small doses. Just like the belladonna lily.”

Bedivere feels Merlin taking the apple from his hand, and shortly, something that feels like glass replaces it. He looks at it, and it turns out to be a clear bottle with a pink flower inside. This is— “A belladonna lily…? When did you even have the time?”

“Haha, the lady merchant from yesterday sells it inside her shop. Of course it’s not outside because it’s possibly dangerous, you know? But since I kept it in this bottle, you can look at it safely. I put a spell in it too so that it will never wilt.”

“Wow, thank you so much…” Bedivere stares at the flower again. This is the nearest contact he has had with one. “I feel so bad about the lackluster gift I gave you now. Forgive me, I just wanted to give you something as soon as possible. I didn’t know how else to thank you right away.”

“Now, now, it’s fine! They're safely in my room now in a vase like the one here. And besides,” Merlin puts the apple he took from Bedivere in front of his face again, so Bedivere takes that as a cue to take a bite. “Just the fact that I'm the first one to receive flowers from you is a big honor already.”

“Well…” Bedivere remembers the smile Merlin had when he received the flowers. “I'm happy that you were pleased. I still want to try to look for a better gift, though, so please look forward to it.”

“All right, then. I’ll be waiting.” Bedivere places that bottle on his lap and takes the apple back from Merlin. It’s getting a bit embarrassing to continue eating from his hand.

“Since we’re eating now, I just wanted to ask… Does human food do anything for you? I heard incubi had a… different way of getting sustenance.”

“That’s true. If it’s sustenance, human food doesn’t really give me much.” Merlin smiles mischievously. “But even so, I'm capable of appreciating good food. It’s like candy for me. Life would be so boring if we only consume what we have to consume, don’t we?”

“I guess…”

“Anyway, anyway! I was supposed to give my gift last night, but just like with that incubus thing, I also couldn’t find my timing. I ended up waiting for too long, and the next thing I know, I was already upstaged by someone with a whole bouquet, and to make matters worse, it was a king who upstaged me!”

Bedivere’s heart started beating fast. “…What did you say?”

“Oh, yeah, I read the note near the vase. It was King Theodore who gave you the flowers.”

“I don’t remember telling you that you can look.”

“It’s okay, you can trust me.” Merlin moves closer and bites from the apple in Bedivere’s hand. “I think, with all the bonding we had yesterday, that should be the least of our mutual secrets.”

Bonding… What a word to refer to everything that happened. Merlin moves to whisper against his ear. Bedivere thought he was just extra sensitive last night, but it turns out, even now, that action can cause him to shiver. “The purple flowers he sent you are hyacinths. Purple hyacinths mean…” Merlin gently blows a puff of air against his neck. “’…I'm sorry, please forgive me.’”

Bedivere takes the note. Since Merlin has seen it anyway, he might as well read it now. It would also be a good momentary distraction because Merlin is trying to fluster him again.

‘ _Sir Bedivere,_ ’ he reads. ‘ _Please accept these flowers as a symbol of my apology. I should have given my actions and words more thought. Still, I meant everything I said. Please do give my offer some consideration. –King Theodore_ ’

Offer? What was it, specifically? Sleeping together? Being King Theodore’s knight? Marriage? This letter was really vague. He must have written it thinking of people like Merlin who look at letters that aren’t addressed to them. Despite being the intended receiver, though, even Bedivere thinks the letter was unclear.

“Did he do anything to offend you?” Merlin goes back to eating his own apple instead of consuming Bedivere’s. “He seems really serious about apologizing, sending you a whole bunch and all. I have a good guess, though.”

“What good guess…?” There's no way Merlin can possibly have a good guess. The letter was, as Bedivere said, really vague even for himself. The only context that can be derived from it was that the king had something to apologize about concerning his actions and words, and that can be anything.

“Well, seeing as he seems knowledgeable about the language of flowers unlike you who accidentally professed his love for me by giving me a red rose…”

“S-Stop teasing me.”

“All right, all right!” Merlin chuckles. “Anyway, a single full-bloom red rose means ‘I truly love you’ or ‘engagement’, and the fact that it has no thorns means it’s love at first sight. So I'm guessing… maybe, just maybe… he confessed to you and asked for your hand. You must have turned him down, though, because I don’t think you'd agree to what we did last night if you didn’t.”

He places the core of his finished apple back to the basket and straddles Bedivere. Bedivere forces himself to maintain the eye contact despite his heart’s protests. “Putting into consideration what you told me yesterday—about someone who wanted to sleep with you, but whom you turned down because you didn’t want to sleep with someone out of wedlock—I bet he asked you to marry him after you turned down his proposition. And putting into consideration how distracted you were when you came back, and the energy I sensed from you, considering my nature…”

Merlin gently holds Bedivere’s chin. “I'm guessing the two of you did do some things, but being you, you stopped it before it even got far. So now, apologetic, he sends these to you… Well, then, how was it? Did I do a good deduction?”

A suspiciously good deduction, even! It was almost as if Merlin personally saw it! “W-Well… My only complaint is that _we_ didn’t do some things. I was too surprised to do anything.”

“Did he kiss you?”

Bedivere bites his lower lip. Why is Merlin even asking this? Making eye contact like this makes lying or avoiding the question even more difficult. He settles for a nod.

“What else did he do?”

“Well, he… he kissed my neck. A lot of times.”

“And then?”

“He put a hand on my thigh.”

“And?”

“T-That’s it. I stopped it before it went further than that.”

Merlin hums. “So he didn’t get to do this?”

Merlin slowly caresses his thigh, moving nearer and nearer in between Bedivere’s legs, and then taking Bedivere in his grip. He doesn’t move his hand aside from his thumb lightly rubbing the tip, and Bedivere bites his lower lip to stifle a moan. Somehow, the fact that it’s now morning and the sun is bright outside makes him feel so embarrassed to make the noises he let out last night. “N-No… I didn’t let him undress me.”

“Mmm? Did he touch you through your clothes then?” Merlin uses his free hand to place a thumb on Bedivere’s lower lip again like he did when he bit his lips the first time. “Don’t bite yourself.”

“No… We didn’t go this far… I stopped him right away.”

Merlin is now making an up and down motion with his hand, and Bedivere chooses to just close his eyes because seeing what he's doing so clearly is embarrassing him. He feels Merlin’s thumb on his tip again, pressing just a tad firmer, and Bedivere whines. “Why did you turn him down?”

“I-I was convinced…” His words get interrupted when he moans as Merlin picks up his speed. “I was convinced it was wrong to say yes.”

“Would you have wanted to say yes?” Merlin has started to kiss his chest, and Bedivere just badly wants to steady his breathing. It’s so embarrassing how his chest kept on quivering up and down, but Merlin’s kisses don’t stop anyway.

“N-Not really…”

“Mmm? Why not?”

Merlin’s thumb firmly presses him again, and he couldn’t bite his lip even if he wanted to due to Merlin’s other hand keeping him from doing so. “I'm not attracted to him.”

“Are you attracted to me?”

“Y-Yes.”

Merlin captures his lips and quickens his pace. He presses the tip one last time, and Bedivere’s scream was muffled by the kiss. He comes, and he opens his eyes as Merlin pulls away even if they feel like they don’t want anything but to remain closed. He sees Merlin licking it off his hands, and Bedivere’s face has never felt hotter before.

He decides to close his eyes. If he watches that, his heart might explode for good.

He feels the bottle of the belladonna lily under his leg, and he thinks…

Small doses would be fine, right?

\--

All Bedivere knew about incubi is that they enter a human’s room at night, uninvited, and sleep with them. People say that sleeping with an incubus can kill a person, but seeing as Bedivere is still alive after everything, and considering that Merlin said he's half-incubus meaning his human mother must have lived to give birth to him, maybe dying is not a guarantee, after all.

“Good morning.” Merlin was still beside Bedivere when he woke up the second time. “Or should I say good afternoon?”

“Ah… It’s afternoon?” Oh, no. It’s afternoon! Bedivere immediately gets up. “Is the king upset with me? I-I'm shirking my responsibilities—”

“Now, now, it’s fine! Calm down, Bedi.” Merlin places a hand on his chest and gently pushes him back down. “I told everyone that you were sick because of a prank I did. A spell gone wrong, I said. I also mentioned that I expect the spell will have worn off by tomorrow, so you can rest today.”

“What…?” Bedivere lies back even if he doesn’t really want to. His body won’t let him resist. He really does feel tired. “We’re lying to the king.”

Merlin places another of those weird flowers he gets from out of nowhere behind his ear. Right, the other one seems to be gone by now. “Sorry, it’s my fault that things got worse! I shouldn’t have gotten you off when you woke up.”

“Ah…?”

“You said earlier you can still do some tasks but would prefer to be in the castle, right? Do you still feel the same way, or do you feel worse now?”

“Well, I… Yes, I think I prefer tasks I can do on the bed now, like maybe… sharpening weapons or something.”

“It’s just right to blame me. I'm the inhuman who gets his energy from sexual pleasure, after all.” Merlin takes the bowl of fruits from the table by the bedside and places it on his lap. Bedivere notices that the bottle with the belladonna lily is now beside the vase of flowers from King Theodore. “You really should eat. My flowers can only do so much.”

“But we didn’t even… have sex earlier.”

“Yeah, but I pleasured you sexually, right? It still counts. The sexual pleasure you felt, since it was caused by me, nourished me. Sorry, Bedi.” Merlin kisses his nose. “Small doses.”

“If we keep doing this, will I die?”

“No.” Merlin smiles and hands him an apple. “No, you won’t die.”

And Bedivere willingly takes the apple to his hand.

\--

The next day, as weird it is to say, Bedivere actually feels like a different person. Gone was the inexplicable fatigue he had the previous day. Yesterday, he ended up staying in his room partly because he really was too tired and partly because he had to comply with the story Merlin told everyone. Apparently, Merlin told them that the side effect of the spell he carelessly casted on Bedivere was a really bad fever.

Being the only mage around must be convenient since he can make up these outlandish stories without anyone questioning their validity. King Arthur’s sister—Morgan le Fay—is a talented witch, too, but she chose to live elsewhere. It’s been so long since he last saw her, now that he thinks about it. The last time must be when she recommended Sir Mordred to be a part of the Round Table.

Today, he felt really different in a sense that… he felt really refreshed, possibly the most refreshed he has been in years. He’d compare it to having a long warm bath after spending the entire day working in the snow except this feeling started as soon as he began the day. Today, he felt like he could do double the tasks he's supposed to and still end up not tired.

His hair was really soft today, too. His appearance isn’t really something that he spends a lot of time actively thinking about, but he woke up feeling really good about himself. Somehow, his hair feels like it’s been the softest it has been, his skin feels like it’s glowing, and—yes, it’s definitely weird, but he’ll probably get a lot of things done today just for the fact that his mood is in a top condition.

He smiles one last time at the mirror in his bathroom before exiting the room itself.

And then the smile completely disappears from his face, in its stead comes a look of surprise.

“Your Majesty.” There was King Theodore in front of him. Although he wore casual clothing, it’s still undeniable that there was something regal about him. Such is the power of royalty, it looks like. “What can I do for you?”

King Theodore opens his mouth and then closes it right away.

Bedivere patiently waits. Though his mind is wondering why the king is here right now outside his room. Today must be the third day of King Theodore’s stay in Camelot. Merlin did mention he was there the day Bedivere and Merlin spent time together.

“Ah, forgive me, my words escaped me for a bit. You look beautiful today, even more so than the usual.” King Theodore smiles. “Did you do anything differently to yourself?”

“I did not, but thank you. I do feel wonderful today, so that means a lot.” Is that the right thing to say? He doesn’t really want to seem like he's leading on King Theodore. Nobody has ever shown their interest in him this straightforwardly, so he doesn’t really know how to react much less turn down someone properly. “Anyway, if it will not be rude to ask, may I know why you are here?”

“I just wanted to make sure you received the flowers I sent. I meant to deliver them to you myself, but you were absent the other day, so I settled on leaving them to surprise you when you get back.” The king bashfully chuckles. “Of course, I just had a servant leave it in your room as I was not allowed access to your private room.”

“Yes, I did. They were very beautiful.” Bedivere bows his head. “I give you my thanks.”

What Bedivere immediately remembered was that morning when Merlin interpreted the meaning of the flowers for him… and then, what happened after that...

Ah, no, he shouldn’t think of this now, especially considering the fact that he's talking to someone else!

“I agree. Though their beauty is but minuscule compared to yours. Especially today—I remember telling you that your beauty is the best I have ever seen, but it turns out now that there exists a beauty even greater… though it happened to be yours as well.”

“I—um,” Ah, he really does not know how to handle this properly. What should he do? “Thank you, I am honored, very, but as I said before, I do not deserve this much praise.”

Bedivere looks around. Luckily, no one is there to overhear what they are talking about. If someone hears even just a word of this conversation, they will immediately put two and two together. If he were to be honest, he believes whatever can be learned from this conversation is more of King Theodore’s secret than his, but the fact that his rejection is not active might make it seem like he returns the king’s affection.

Not like that is anything bad in itself, but it’s not correct. He does not want anyone to get the wrong idea.

“You are deserving of this much praise, Sir Bedivere, and no one else.”

“Thank you, but—”

“Worry not, beautiful knight. I am not going to take too much of your time today. I just wanted a chance to talk to you again. I was going to do it yesterday, but that wizard Merlin told me that you were incapacitated.”

“Ah. Merlin and you talked?” For some reason, that idea made him uncomfortable.

“Yes. He was the one to tell me how to find your room.”

What…? There really are just some things Bedivere will not understand about how Merlin’s mind operates. Why even do that? “I see. When did the two of you have the time to meet? Merlin is a bit difficult to find sometimes.”

“It must be around afternoon when we talked. He was telling everyone why you were nowhere to be found, so I asked him where you were. I wanted to wish you well myself. He did tell me where to find you, but he also said that you were asleep. That is why I decided to wait until today.”

There is a detail there that makes Bedivere nervous. That detail of Merlin knowing that he was asleep—if anyone decides to overthink that, Bedivere might panic and end up delivering an unconvincing lie. “I appreciate your concern, King Theodore.”

“Are you feeling better now?”

“Yes. As I said, I feel really wonderful today.”

“I am glad to hear that.” King Theodore nods. “Anyway, my offer to you. I realize that everything I said was poorly-phrased, so I really wanted to clarify in person.”

Bedivere can do this. Just a gentle and polite rejection. He can do this. “I am all ears, Your Majesty.”

“I do, truly want to marry you.” The king lowers his voice. “When I let you leave that night, when for a while I accepted to settle for someone who is not you, I could not sleep properly. I have decided that we can just adopt an heir, and I promise you I will make you the happiest man alive. I will give you everything you may ever want and need. You do not have to serve anyone again.”

“King Theodore,” Bedivere takes a deep breath. “I do not know the words I must use to express how flattered and honored I am to receive this kind of admiration from you. But I think you might be forgetting that though the matter of having an heir is a concern I have brought up, the first and foremost reason why I rejected your offer is because I am not interested in having a relationship. I do not plan on getting married. I hope you forgive me.”

“I remember you saying it is because you believe it is improper for you to be in a relationship considering you have sworn your everything to King Arthur.”

“That is so.”

“But what if King Arthur grants us his blessing? I do not care what price I have to pay, what resource I have to trade, what law I have to sign—anything—just to have your hand in marriage. Name it. I am more than willing to pay.”

“I—” Bedivere bites his lower lip. “With all due respect, I am not some object to be bought, Your Majesty.”

“I apologize, that is not what I was trying to say.”

“If you allow me to be frank, Your Majesty, we do not know each other. We only have met a couple of times, so I hope you forgive me if I say that I am not interested in marrying someone I do not know much about.”

“What if I court you, then? What if we take some time to get to know each other better?”

“If my choice shall be taken into account, then I personally really do not want to get married. I want to devote my life to serving King Arthur. Of course, if he orders me to marry somebody, I will comply—”

“No, I do not want the circumstances of our marriage to be like that.”

“Thank you.”

King Theodore sighs. “So you are saying that there is no way?”

Bedivere nods. “I apologize.”

“I wonder if God is punishing me for something, introducing me to the most beautiful person I will ever meet, only to reveal that we cannot be together.”

“That is why, King Theodore, you have to realize that I am not the most beautiful person you will ever meet.”

“If ever you change your mind, please never hesitate to tell me. If I am engaged by then, I will nullify the engagement. If I am married, I will find a way to end that marriage.” King Theodore holds his hand and kisses it. “I did promise I will not take too much of your time today, and I also have to be back to my kingdom. I hope to see you again very soon, Sir Bedivere.”

“Have a safe trip, Your Majesty.”

As King Theodore finally leaves, Bedivere lets out a relieved sigh. He thinks he has finally gotten his point across.

King Theodore seems to be the type of king who is used to getting what he wants through material means. Bedivere wonders if deep inside, all kings have this kind of side. King Arthur seems really perfect and does not show such quality, but who knows what really are the intricacies that compose the king’s everyday thoughts?

He sighs once more before telling himself that it’s time to start his day—for the second time. His day started nice and he woke up feeling good about himself. That was the track his thoughts were taking if he remembered correctly. He can’t let something small like this set him back.

And besides, if he were to be honest, King Theodore pointing out that something seems different about him today made him feel a bit good too because he does indeed feel different today.

He wonders why that is.

“Good job handling that, Bedi!” Just when Bedivere thought the surprises of the morning are over, he hears the voice that has already gotten too familiar to him in a span of a mere day. Merlin appears beside him, putting a hand on his shoulder, out of nowhere. Bedivere keeps it together, the only hint of surprise his body had was a mere flinch. “And good morning, by the way.”

“Where did you even come from? And how long have you been here?”

“I’ve been here from the start. Plus, I got curious, so I ended up eavesdropping!”

“That’s… not something you should do and proudly declare, and besides, why did you even tell him where my room was?”

“Well, he wanted to know where you were, so I helped. That’s kinda my thing, you know? Helping out people.”

The words ‘helping out’ really just have a different connotation now after everything that happened. “And you told him you knew I was asleep. If anyone decided to take a look at that detail and asked me about it, I won’t know what to say.”

“You're the one overthinking it, Bedi.” Merlin ruffles his hair. Bedivere scoots a bit further away. “It’s only normal I was in your room because I was trying to find a way to undo my spell or at least hasten the duration of its effect. That’s what everyone knows, at least. So don’t worry, we can declare all we want that I was in your bedroom, and no one will blink an eye.”

“Don’t say it so weirdly…”

“Haha! Anyway, you should go see Arthur first thing today. He was worried about you.”

“Ah…” That makes Bedivere even guiltier that they lied about his having a fever. While it’s true that he was indeed too tired to function yesterday, it’s also still true that they lied. “Yes, I'm going to go see him now. Thank you, Merlin. See you later.”

“Bye, bye.”

As Bedivere turns a corner, he hears Merlin say, “It’s true that you look great today, by the way, Bedi!”

When Bedivere looks back, Merlin was already gone.

\--

King Arthur was by the scribe table when Bedivere enters the throne room. The king seems busy. Bedivere would have wanted to give his gift today, but the guilt he already feels at the moment would worsen if he dares to interrupt the king during an important task.

Lying to him was already bad enough. Having casual sex is another. He's doing his best to believe in the things Merlin said—about what they did not being a bad thing—but he’d be lying if he doesn’t say that the worry never left the back of his mind.

He wonders, though. If an act does not harm anyone, is it really a bad thing?

For now, that’s the only thing that’s comforting him. Merlin and he both consented to what happened. No one got hurt, and no one aimed to hurt.

“My king.” Bedivere decides to kneel beside the scribe table. “Good day. I am here to announce my recovery. Once again, I am in top condition, so I am ready to perform as many tasks as needed to catch up.”

“Sir Bedivere, it’s so good to see you. Please stand up.” Bedivere allows himself to stand up and finally look at the king’s face. The king’s smile must be one of Bedivere’s most favorite sights. The moment he sees it, he can’t help but have a smile of his own. Unfortunately, these days, it seems to be getting increasingly difficult to get even just a glimpse of it again. “You look well. It’s a good thing Merlin was able to keep the situation under control.”

There was the twinge of guilt again. “Yes, Merlin really is a great wizard.”

The king looks up from what he is writing. “He really should stop playing around too much, though.”

Bedivere lets out a chuckle. “I suppose that is right as well.”

“Please do take it easy today, Sir Bedivere. It might be a fever caused by a spell, but we still cannot know for sure if it can act like a real one.”

“I will. I am sorry for causing you worry, my king.”

He can’t find a good timing to give the gift. Is this what Merlin felt? It feels so unceremonious to just pull it out of his pocket and hand it to the king.

It also doesn’t help what he's feeling since he's keeping up a lie to the king, and _that_ feels wrong.

Sooner or later, he has to tell the king the truth. If he really believes what he did with Merlin wasn’t wrong, there should be no problem.

Despite that, just the thought of letting the king know—

“Anyway, ah,” Bedivere forces a smile. He doesn’t feel worthy to present a gift to the king right now. “I will go perform my tasks now. Please do call me if you need anything, my king.”

“If you are free later,” The king speaks again. “I would like it if you and Merlin can tell me about your day in town.”

“Gladly, my king. I’ll inform Merlin.”

—It fills him with so much shame.

\--

Maybe Bedivere did do the wrong thing, after all.

He did a thing he used to firmly deem wrong solely because he knew it would be pleasurable. No matter how much he tries to sugarcoat the words in his head, the infallible truth is that he succumbed to the instant gratification of his desires instead of looking at things in the long run.

He remembers Merlin calling him a good tactician. He never believed that in the first place, but the idea is even more laughable now.

A good tactician would know better than to choose a desirable present over a future that—

A future that he didn’t even think about. At that moment, all he wanted was the pleasure that Merlin was giving him. He enjoyed being held and being wanted. He didn’t even bother to think that after everything, he would never be able to look at his king again without that stinging feeling of guilt.

At that moment, he actually wanted to believe that they were not doing anything wrong. Sure, the doubts never left his mind, but he wanted to believe. ‘Hey, this is scary, but maybe it will be okay.’ ‘I’m not sure if I’m doing the right thing, but I don’t understand why this would be wrong, so for now, I’ll go with it.’ ‘Maybe whoever said this was wrong was wrong.’

But now he sees what happened.

He let his desires control him. Like a good knight shouldn’t.

Later this day, he and Merlin will meet the king. The king would probably prefer to hear fun stories about their day, but it also feels like an opportunity for Bedivere to come clean.

_Do you seriously believe that Arthur cares about what you do in the bedroom?_

He remembers Merlin asking him.

But now he knows that that’s not the main issue here. The main issue is that he did something unknightly, and being unknightly deserves punishment from the king.

\--

Chess is one of the games the knights play. Though it’s a game, it’s respectable enough to be viewed as an actual strategy practice. Bedivere’s pretty good at it, but he's still no match to Sir Lancelot, Sir Gawain, and Sir Percival.

Right now, he's playing a game against Sir Gawain.

A losing game, if he may add.

He doesn’t think he has ever won a chess game against Sir Gawain. There were a couple of close calls before, but Sir Gawain still wins in the end.

“I’ve been thinking, Sir Bedivere.” Sir Gawain says as he puts forward a pawn.

Bedivere decides to block that pawn’s path by forwarding one of his. “What is it, Sir Gawain?”

“Did you do anything differently to your… hair, maybe? Or your armor?”

“Oh, I don’t think so. Is there anything wrong?”

“No, I was thinking you look good today, actually. You look well. I'm pleased Merlin’s spell didn’t cause you more trouble.”

“Thank you, Sir Gawain. I appreciate your kind words.” Each time anyone mentions that spell, Bedivere feels guiltier than he already does. “And yes, I'm happy to be here again. I don’t want to be holed up in bed while everyone is working hard.”

“Don’t be too hard on yourself.” Sir Gawain finally moves again. His queen found free reign and has now a dangerously wide variety of places it can go. “There's only so much you can do against magic.”

“Haha, yes, that’s true…”

Bedivere ends up losing the match—again—but today was an even closer match than the usual.

Maybe next time he’ll actually win.

\--

Merlin was sitting on a balcony’s ledge, watching the new knights practice their swordsmanship with training dummies. He was idly picking off the petals from one of those flowers he kept on putting on Bedivere’s hair. Every single time, Merlin looks so aesthetically pleasing. Flowers look good with him.

“Good morning, Merlin.” Bedivere stands behind him. He's a little nervous about what they're going to talk about, but he feels they have to discuss this. “May I sit beside you?”

Merlin turns around and waves at him. “Hello, Bedi! Why, you can even sit on my lap, and it’d be okay with me.”

Bedivere feels the familiar heat in his face. Everyone knows that Merlin always says things like this, but they might start wondering why and when he started doing it to Bedivere too. He looks around to check if anyone heard anything, and he lets out a sigh of relief when he sees that there was no one nearby. “Don’t say things like that… We’re in public.”

Bedivere takes Merlin’s reply as a ‘yes’ anyway, sitting beside the latter. Merlin chuckles. “Well, we are, but it’s not like there's anyone who’ll hear anything. Everyone’s too distracted by the sound of their swords slashing the dummies.”

“Still.”

“Does that mean I can say anything I like when we’re in private?”

“Stop it.” Bedivere clears his throat as an effort to hide his embarrassment. If anyone even glances at the two of them and sees how red Bedivere’s face is, they might get the wrong idea. With everything that happened though, Bedivere also wonders what exactly qualifies as ‘the wrong idea’ at this point. “I wanted to talk about something serious.”

“Mmm, I'm listening.”

“Well, I… I think we should tell the king the truth.”

“Sure. I’ll even accompany you.” Merlin leaps off to the floor, already walking away. “Let’s go.”

“W-Wait a second, are you serious?” Bedivere starts quickening his pace to catch up. He can’t believe Merlin just stood up and walked away so fast. “Wait, Merlin, hold on!”

Merlin doesn’t even look back. “I agree we should tell him.”

“I said wait!” Bedivere firmly grabs Merlin’s sleeve. Desperation was in his actions, and he can see that his hand was shaking a bit. “J-Just wait for a bit…”

Merlin turns around, his smile playful. “Whaaat? I thought you wanted to tell Arthur.”

“Well, I thought we should talk about how to say it first!”

“Listen, what did I tell you…” Merlin places his free hand on Bedivere’s. Bedivere lets go of Merlin’s sleeve. “What you do in your bedroom is your business. You don’t have to get Arthur’s approval on everything, especially not on your bed partners.”

“But…” Somehow, when it’s Merlin in front of him, he forgets all the statements arguing that what they did was wrong. He doesn’t know if it’s Merlin dreamlike charm again, or he just really needed reassurance once more. “Well…”

“You can sleep with whoever you want, and you can still give your all to the king. That’s a false dichotomy that you have to unlearn.”

“But…” Bedivere finally founds his words. “It’s not chivalrous, isn’t it? And a good knight has to be chivalrous.”

“I think, Sir Bedivere, there are times when we have to question pre-existing mores.” Somehow, it feels like Merlin is lecturing him even if his voice was gentle, even if he had that same dreamy smile he always has. “Tell me, exactly. What's wrong with what we did?”

Right. He couldn’t come up with an answer too when he asked himself that. “Well, we… lied to the king. If it’s not anything wrong, we’ll tell him the truth, won’t we?”

“That doesn’t really answer my question, you know.” Merlin playfully pokes his cheek with a finger. “There are just some things we’re allowed to hide from others. Say, does Arthur tell you about what he does in the bedroom with Guinevere?”

“N-No!”

“Would you ask?”

“No!”

“There are some of the knights—I won’t say if they're in the Round Table or just regular knights—who also sleep with those they think they shouldn’t sleep with. Do any of them tell you that?”

“No…”

“Do you think they should?”

“Well, no…”

“Yup, because there are some things that that’s fine not being said. And you—you didn’t harm anyone. Either way, though, I believe no one is compelled to tell anyone anything.” Merlin places both hands on Bedivere’s hips. “We just made each other feel good. What's so bad about that?”

Bedivere looks around again, slightly inching away. “Someone might see us.”

“I won’t mind being seen, but if that’s the only problem, you really should trust in my illusions more, you know.” Merlin takes a step closer to him. “We can even do it here in the hallway, and no one will ever know.”

“U-Um,” His face starts to feel even hotter. “Even if they won’t see us, that doesn’t mean we should do something like that here.”

“Haha, I guess you're too wholesome for that!” Merlin’s hands were back on his hips. “Tell me, though. There must be something that you're so curious about, something different you'd like to try.”

“Well… I—” He can’t believe he actually starts to think about it when asked. “To be honest, I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about these things… My only experience was you, and even then, you were the one taking control. I don’t know much about these things… I still don’t know what I’ll like and not like.”

“You did say something about a next time, if I recall correctly.” Merlin gently squeezes his hips. “ _O, great and handsome wizard Merlin, next time, please leave your love bites on my neck_ , was it?”

Bedivere faced burned. “I didn’t say anything like that!”

“I was kidding, I was kidding!” Merlin laughs. “Well… Why don’t you remind me what you said, then? Maybe, if you say it again, I’ll remember it.”

“I don’t believe you forgot anyway… You're just trying to embarrass me.”

“Yup, you're totally right.” Merlin’s voice lowers to a whisper. Bedivere shivers again, and he hates it because he knows that Merlin has figured out by now that this is how his whispers affect Bedivere and is using that knowledge to the fullest. “I just want to hear you say it again. Can’t I?”

“I-I didn’t even say anything important.” Bedivere looks away as an effort to calm his heartbeat. Merlin is weaponizing his good looks. At least, that’s how it feels. “I just… said that I’ll h-help you out next time.”

“And then? What did I say?”

“You didn’t say anything… You just…”

“Mmm?”

“You just kissed me after that… A-Aren’t you satisfied already? You're already embarrassing me enough…”

Merlin chuckles, his hands transferring to Bedi’s face. “So, Bedi… When can I claim that ‘next time’? I’d be glad to have your _help_ , you know.”

Bedivere feels compelled to maintain the eye contact despite the fact that he can practically hear his own heartbeat in his ears. “Do you really want to…? Again? With me?”

“Mmm, well, why not?”

“I don’t think I was such a good partner. I let you do all the work, and I really have no clue what I was supposed to be doing. Surely, someone as knowledgeable as you couldn’t have been satisfied…”

“What?” Merlin chuckles again as he puts down his hands. “Serving is a natural thing for me. After all, human spirit is my nourishment.”

“Serving?” Bedivere repeats. “…Was that how I made you feel? That you were serving me?”

“Aww, don’t sound so sad now, Bedi. You should know better than anyone that serving comes with a unique satisfaction too.”

“That’s true, but… the idea of anyone serving me just doesn’t sit well with me.”

“Now, now, it’s fine! I'm the one getting energy from you. Isn’t that just fair?”

“I-I feel good too… I got really tired, but it’s still true that I felt good, so… please don’t say it like you're the only one getting something from this.”

“Of course I know that you felt good. I got the energy from your pleasure anyway.” Merlin chuckles again. Bedivere immediately regrets even saying it out loud now that his face burned in embarrassment.

What Bedivere knew about incubi is that they do what they do without giving regard to consent and the other’s pleasure, so Merlin’s saying that he gets energy from Bedivere’s pleasure was interesting. He wonders what else is there to learn and unlearn about incubi, about Merlin…

“Do I really have to be very tired the day after each time we do it?”

“Well, not _very_. It wasn’t supposed to be that bad. It’s my fault, you see! I shouldn’t have done anything to you the morning after. You were supposed to eat a lot in the morning to get back your strength, and I was supposed to support you with my flowers. Don’t worry, we’ll do better next time.” Merlin winks. Bedivere averts his gaze as an attempt to hide his embarrassment. “Anyway, don’t overthink this, okay? We’ll take things as they come. See you later, Bedi! Arthur wants to hear about our day when we went out, so the three of us can spend time later, all right?”

“Yes…” Bedivere gives him a small wave as Merlin smiles and walks away. “See you later, Merlin.”

Talking with the king doesn’t feel so bad now. This time, he actually feels like he can give his gift. Maybe he just really needed the assurance, or Merlin is just good at convincing him.

Either way, now he can proceed with his day feeling slightly better about himself.

\--

Bedivere blows a puff of air on the dandelion toy in his hand. He watches closely as the fake dandelion puffs pretty much pretend to fly away.

He's been doing this for at least ten minutes now. Now that his previous dilemma of being unworthy to present the king a gift is gone, his worry became that of the wonder if his gift is good enough.

He doesn’t mean to look down on the child’s invention. Like he said, he liked it enough to buy one. However, now that he thinks about it, King Arthur must be used to other grand gifts since he's a king and all.

_I can imagine it’d be refreshing for him to receive a gift as King Arthur, ‘the king that I love’ instead of being King Arthur, ‘the king whose kingdom I have to get as an ally’._

Merlin’s words, once again, provided comfort to him. Merlin looks so shady most of the time, but when it comes down to it, he can be really reliable. If it weren’t for him, Bedivere would still be distracted by that constant feeling of guilt that he has. If it weren’t for him, maybe Bedivere would completely give up on giving the king his gift.

“Here you are.” It was Merlin’s voice that interrupts him from his thoughts. “Looks like you're free now too. Come, let’s go see the king.”

“Do you think this gift will be good enough for him?” Bedivere asks as they start walking together.

“Yup, I'm sure he’d appreciate it a lot. Are you worried?”

“Just a little. I just can’t help but feel that I could have picked something that suits his tastes more. I suppose I'm just not that good at picking gifts.”

“Now, now, it’s fine! Don’t worry, you won’t be accidentally confessing your love this time. Unless you do have feelings for—”

“Stop it, Merlin. That’s not a funny joke.”

“Ooops, sorry! Don’t you have at least a tiny bit of attraction towards him, though? Always talking about him and giving him your all—my goodness, you'd even hesitate about sex—”

“K-Keep your voice down!”

“It’s fine, it’s fine. To everyone, we’re just walking in silence right now. So?”

“I love and respect him as a knight would his king. I don’t think attraction is a prerequisite to loyalty.”

“So you say, but I'm curious what you'd do if he asks you to come to bed—”

“H-Hey, as I said, that’s not funny!” Bedivere quickly interrupts. “Don’t even dare sully the name of the king. Please, say anything you want about me, but let’s not include him in this kind of conversation.”

“Haha, got you!” Merlin softly pokes his cheek. Bedivere inches away. “Now I officially have your permission to say anything about you. I’ve decided—making Bedi blush is my new hobby!”

“You’ve already been doing that anyway even without my permission…”

“True, but it feels better with it!” Merlin hums. “Though I really can’t wait to whisper against your ears again. You blush the cutest when I do that. Your skin reddens until your ears, your neck, and—”

“S-Stop it already!” Bedivere starts picking up his pace. He won’t have to be embarrassed if he hears none of this. “I’ll go on ahead. Just please don’t say anything weird in front of the king later! Goodbye, Merlin!”

He practically runs away as Merlin chuckles and echoes his goodbye.

\--

“Ah, Sir Bedivere, you're here.” King Arthur greets him. Bedivere immediately smiles, Merlin’s attempts to intentionally embarrass him slowly drifting away from his mind. “Merlin is not with you?”

“My king,” Bedivere bows. The king gives him permission to raise his head. “I went on ahead, but Merlin is also on the way here.”

“I see. While we wait for him, let me ask. How do you feel right now, Bedivere?”

“Thank you for your concern. I’ve really been feeling better today. I don’t think the fever is coming back.”

“Not that.” The king frowns. “I have been told that you seemed troubled a few days ago. That had me worried. It’s always better if Bedivere has a smile on his face.”

“I’m really sorry for giving you more things to think about, my king. I’ve really been better today in the truest sense. The things that troubled my mind and the discomfort of my body were both gone.”

“That’s relieving.” There was the smallest hint of a smile on the king’s face. “Thank you, Sir Bedivere.”

The king, ever since before, has always smiled for others and never for himself.

Bedivere remembers hearing that the king used to smile more back then when he traveled with Merlin and Sir Kay. Now though there’s almost always that taciturn expression on his face betrayed only by the very occasional and very slight smiles that do not even last for more than a moment.

Bedivere wonders: if he gives the king a wonderful gift—one way better than the one in his pocket right now, one very carefully considered—

Would the king show him that smile he showed Bedivere that day?

“Hello, hello!” Merlin’s cheerful voice interrupts his thoughts. He practically barges in the room, waving at them with the same cheer. “Bedi, why did you run away from me? You sly minx, it’s all because you wanted me to _exert_ myself, didn’t you?”

Sly minx? Exert himself? Merlin is really insistent on continuing to talk like this even in front of the king! Bedivere is sincerely praying to the god above that the burning he feels within his face right now hasn’t manifested in a visual manner. He also deeply prays that Merlin—or, god forbid, the king—will not, in any circumstances, comment on that fact.

“I-I didn’t intend to run.” Bedivere says as calmly as he can. “I suppose my excitement to see the king won me over. I apologize.”

“I’ll only forgive you if you let me rest my head on your lap while we talk to Arthur. Man, I’m already tired from all that running.”

He doesn’t even look like he ran!

Bedivere is almost scared to see the king’s reaction. Merlin and he have never been as intimate as to casually talk about resting one’s head on the other’s lap—before, at least—and the king will definitely take notice of that. If he asks questions, especially now that they’re face to face, Bedivere doesn’t think he’ll be able to lie.

Bedivere will definitely have to talk to Merlin about this.

“I don’t—” Bedivere has his eyes directed to the king as if silently asking for help. “I don’t think that will be proper. We’re in the presence of the king.”

“I’m sure Arthur won’t mind that his mentor is getting unfit and is in need of rest.”

“Um,” King Arthur, despite making more difficult decisions as a king, looked legitimately lost about what to say right now. “I’d prefer the choice where the both of you are the most relaxed. I just want to hear your stories from your day, so I want you to be comfortable when you do.”

“You heard him, Bedi. No need to worry about being improper.” Merlin smiles at him. “The king doesn’t mind.”

That smile… looked like it hid layers of meanings underneath it. “…If the king doesn’t mind, then.”

They all sit on the floor. King Arthur has always been humble. He doesn’t mind sitting with his subjects like this. Despite looking so simple, he’s undeniably a respectable king.

Merlin actually does so as he said. He lies his head on Bedivere’s lap, unabashed, and he smiles contentedly. “Thank you for helping me out, Bedi.”

Help out… Merlin is definitely doing this on purpose. Bedivere chooses to not react.

“Well, then, where should we start?” Merlin hums. “Right, right, Bedi and I went to the tavern first. We started our day in town by grabbing breakfast together.”

“I don’t mean to be rude, but shouldn’t we talk about the performers instead?” Bedi interrupts. “You did say the king looked forward to watching them.”

“Mmm, I clearly remember saying in general that Arthur wanted to have fun in town. Well, then, Arthur, tell us. Do you want to hear only about the performance?”

“Well,” The king looked uncomfortable being faced with such a choice—again. “I suppose… Just tell me anything you can tell me.”

“I told you, Bedi. Arthur is an understanding person. You shouldn’t take every single word he says absolutely. He's kind enough to adjust perspectives if the situation demands it.” Merlin chuckles before Bedivere can even reply. “But you’re right, it’s not like we have to tell him every single thing. There are some secrets I’d like to keep—for example, I learned a lot of new things about Sir Bedivere in just one day, and some of that knowledge I’d prefer to selfishly keep mine.”

“…I'm not hiding anything important from the king, am I?”

“That’s right.” Merlin’s eyes seemed like they twinkled. “Not at all.”

“The two of you seem to have gotten a lot closer in just a day.” The king comments. Bedivere would have vehemently denied that, but the hint of a small pleased smile on the king’s face stopped him. The king looks… really proud that the two of them are closer now.

Well, it’s true. Maybe. Now, he feels like there are things he can tell no one else but Merlin. Though that’s probably largely due to the fact that there are things that only Merlin knows—

But even disregarding that, just the fact that he's allowing Merlin to be this close speaks volumes. He wasn’t really the type to be used to physical intimacy. An embrace from a close friend, most of the time, still makes him recoil in surprise. But now, Merlin has his head rested on Bedivere’s lap like it’s the most comfortable cushion in the world, and Bedivere doesn’t really find the sensation unpleasant.

If anything, the only reason why his immediate reaction was denial is pure embarrassment.

“You think so, Arthur? I think so, too, actually!” Merlin looks up at him again, and Bedivere feels that familiar pull of his dreamlike charisma. “I feel much more comfortable around Bedi now. He's always had that soothing aura that I like, and now, with that same aura, I can get a lap pillow too! You know I’d never trust my head to someone I'm not comfortable with.”

The fact that the king had such a contented smile made Bedivere want to talk too and voice his agreement. “I-I feel the same way. Merlin has been completely patient with me and treated me very gently the whole day. I definitely wouldn’t mind spending time with him again.”

“He has a tendency to say and do weird and embarrassing things, but I'm happy that you’re getting along with him, Sir Bedivere.”

“That is true, my king, but it is also true that he is reliable when it comes down to it.” Bedivere lets out a chuckle. “I guess that makes him more tolerable.”

“Just tolerable? Bedi, won’t you praise me more?”

Bedivere found himself expressing his comfort around Merlin and the enjoyment he had the day they went out together.

Because the king looked so happy watching them be happy, and if that’s what Bedivere has to do for the king to show even just a little smile, then he’ll do his best to be even happier.

\--

The sun was about to set when the three of them finished talking. Of course, in such a long time, their conversation went from topic to topic, even stories about the king’s past travels with Merlin and Sir Kay. Bedivere felt a bit like an outsider, being the only one in the group who wasn’t personally there, but he felt honored to have been allowed to listen.

Apparently, it was Merlin’s womanizing that gave way to the king losing his first sword, the Caliburn, but neither of them would give the specific details.

As the hours went by, Merlin and Bedivere changed positions. Merlin went from resting his head on Bedivere’s lap, to leaning his back on Bedivere’s side, to resting his chin on Bedivere’s shoulder, to resting his head on Bedivere’s shoulder—

Each position he took involved touching Bedivere somehow. Bedivere doesn’t know if it’s a bad thing that he has gotten used to it. Bedivere doesn’t know if it’s a bad thing that the king never commented on it.

Speaking of that—

“Merlin… I don’t think you should be saying those weird things in front of others, especially the king.”

Merlin’s smile looked so mischievous. “What weird things?”

“The f-flirting. I don’t want the others to suspect anything.”

“But your lips look so soft—”

“T-That doesn’t even have anything to do with anything! And what did I just say? I thought you agreed with saying those things only when it’s just the two of us.”

“What, we’re alone right now, aren’t we? It’s not like there’s anyone else in the hallway, and like I said, even if there was, I can always do something with my magic.”

“But you were also doing it in front of the king! It’s why I'm talking to you about it in the first place.”

“Frankly, I don’t think anyone’s going to think of anything even if they hear. No one, I tell you, will ever suspect that we did anything. You and I just don’t go together, so don’t worry.”

“Oh… Okay. I see. I apologize then.”

“Mmm, I have a feeling you took that the wrong way.” Merlin stops walking. Bedivere does so as well. “You are an honest and pure man, Bedivere. No one will look at the two of us and think that you will ever even consider giving me the time of the day. After all…”

Merlin holds his chin, and gentle he was when he pulls Bedivere’s face slightly, just so they will make eye contact. “…I'm sure that you’ve heard what they say about me.”

“Um…” Bedivere wets his lips. For some reason, they started to feel a bit dry. “Someone might see us.”

Merlin blinks. And then he chuckles. “I already told you that won’t happen.”

Merlin takes a step forward towards him. Bedivere takes a step backward. Even if Merlin says over and over again that no one will see them, it still feels so weird to be this close in a place that isn’t really considered private. “I did. Hear about you, I mean.”

Merlin hums as he takes another step forward. Bedivere also takes another step backward. “That’s good. So don’t worry too much. No one will know anything unless you personally speak up.”

“I'm sorry… Maybe I did overreact.”

“Now, now, it’s fine! Your worries are valid. This trusty advisor will always hear you out.” Merlin smiles and steps back. “May I see you later?”

“Ah? Of course…?”

“Good. Bye, bye.” Merlin walks away.

Later, he says, but it’s already nighttime.

Oh… _Oh._ Maybe he means—

Bedivere shakes his head to push away the thought. Not that he's against it per se, but thinking about it now would be inappropriate and might show in his face.

For now, he decides to check on the training new guards to distract himself.

\--

Merlin really is the subject of much talk. The mystery of his origins, his magecraft, and the extent of what he can do—all of this aside, there are of course much lighter topics too that befit just casual human conversation. Things like how women love his appearance, how he can charm others with just one smile and maybe a mischievous stare full of silent promises…

And how he leaves at least one woman heartbroken in each town he visits.

Bedivere isn’t a woman, though, so he should be fine. Besides, it’s not like he has deep feelings for Merlin. He has admitted that he's attracted to Merlin, but that’s as far as it goes. This is simply casual intimacy… the thing that he promised he would never do.

The rumors say Merlin is… experienced, for lack of better words, and that was evidenced by Bedivere’s involvement with him. Not that Bedivere has a point of comparison, but Merlin must be what people consider to be… ‘skilled’—

Ah, how inappropriate can he get? He never even knew that he was capable of having such thoughts!

“Yo! Good work today!” He hears Mordred and immediately feels a rough pat on his back. “Just a bit more, and these guards can do—well, the guarding—and we can focus on the cooler tasks like hunting!”

Sir Mordred has been a personal recommendation from King Arthur’s sister, Morgan le Fay. Bedivere has never seen him take off his helmet, not even once. Never ever saw his face before, not even the slightest glimpse of his hair or skin since he's completely covered by armor. Because the king is fine with it, Bedivere knows that it’s not his business, but he really can’t help but be curious sometimes. Is he blonde like Bedivere? Or maybe his hair is red like Tristan’s? Is his skin pale, being covered most of the time, or is it slightly tanned because he secretly plays under the sun when his armor is off?

“Good work today too, Sir Mordred. I'm just here in case you need assistance, but you’ve been handling things well on your own.”

“Hehe, thanks, but I know that!” Sir Mordred pauses. “Right, I heard that you were sick yesterday! Hope you get in top condition soon, I’d like to duel again, and I won’t like to fight someone sick!”

“I _am_ in top condition already though. That was just… a spell gone wrong, but it’s all reversed now.”

“Yeah, right! Though now that I think about it, it’s not like you’ll win against me either way.”

“Well…”

“I like fighting you though, so… let’s duel until you win against me, which would never happen, so that means I have a sparring partner forever! Anyway, bye, see you tomorrow. Let’s fight next week when you're fully recovered!”

“As I said, I'm already—”

“Bye!”

Sir Mordred leaves before he can even finish his sentence. He's always been so stubborn… and annoying it may be at times, maybe that quality is one of the reasons why it’s so difficult to defeat him. He's just so stubborn. He will never let himself lose. He will always get back up from anything.

It’s really admirable. It’s as if no injury is enough to take him down.

“Mordred’s really something, huh?”

Bedivere slightly flinches. “Can you—can you please stop appearing like that out of nowhere?”

Predictably enough, there was Merlin beside him with a wide grin. “Being the calm and collected person that you are, you always manage to keep yourself graceful. That’s why I want to see more of your surprised face.”

“My surprised face, my blushing face… what more of my face do you want to make fun of?”

“Aww, I'm not making fun of you. I just want to see more of you.” Merlin’s hands find their way to Bedivere’s cheeks. “You're always wearing that serious expression. If not that, it’s a worried one. Of course, you smile quite a lot too, and that looks nice, but I need more.”

“…What for?”

“Haha, it’s not that deep! I like looking at beautiful people. You're beautiful. It all makes sense, doesn’t it?”

“Thank you, but…”

Merlin removes his hands from Bedivere’s face and moves a bit closer so that his lips were just outside Bedivere’s ear. “…And the face you made when I had my fingers in—”

“S-Stop!” Bedivere feels his entire face heating up as he pushes Merlin away. “Why—why do you always have to make everything so weird?”

Merlin chuckles. “Well, I was going to say that you looked cute, you know? So cute, in such a way that I wasn’t able to expect. So I wanted to see what else I haven’t seen from you. And if you’d let me…”

Merlin places one of his hands on Bedivere’s. “I’d really, really like to see more.”

“U-Um…” Bedivere keeps his eyes trained on the floor as he closes his hand on Merlin’s. “…You mean… you want to… do something tonight?”

Merlin chuckles. “Only if you want to.”

“I do want to, but… I just need another confirmation. Will I have enough strength to do my tasks tomorrow?”

“I’ll make sure you do.”

“And… another thing.”

“Mhm?”

“Only if it won’t be too much to ask, of course…” Bedivere clears his throat. “Tonight, please teach me how to make you feel good too.”

“Well, well, how can I even try to turn that down?” Merlin plants a soft kiss on his nose. “I’d be happy to. Mentoring is like my thing, you know.”

Bedivere looks around instinctively, and Merlin interrupts that action by initiating a kiss. The kiss was soft and gentle—comfortable like it was the other night—but this time, what makes his heart beat faster is the fear of being seen instead of what they're doing at the moment.

Well, maybe it’s also what they're doing at the moment, but—

“Trust me.” Merlin pulls away and whispers for a bit, resting his forehead on Bedivere’s. Bedivere closes his eyes and predictably shivers. “I won’t let anyone see us. You have to trust me and relax.”

“Sorry, I just… I feel really nervous doing something like this here.”

Merlin chuckles. It was as if Bedivere can feel Merlin’s smile from the following kisses on his jaw. “I'm a first-rate mage, you know? A very, very skilled illusionist at that.”

“What can you do with your illusions?”

“Oh, Bedi.” Merlin chuckles again, burying his face on Bedivere’s neck. It tickled. “Come on, this isn’t a very sexy conversation, you know? Shouldn’t we be talking about how much we want each other and how we’re going to do so, so many depraved things to each other tonight?”

“I-I don’t—” Bedivere can feel his face going red again. It has become such a familiar feeling to the point that he just _knows_ even without checking with a mirror.

“Like, for example…” Merlin whispers against his ear again. “…You know, the entire day, I was trying to focus on work, but I couldn’t stop thinking of when I was biting you and you were letting out those beautiful moans.”

“U-Um…” He suddenly feels so weak. He thinks he can cry out of embarrassment. But somehow, he can’t find it in himself to push away Merlin again and tell him to shut up. Instead, he just chooses to hide his face on Merlin’s shoulder.

Merlin softly kisses his neck. “And I was thinking… that I want to bite you and taste you more, you know? I want to leave my marks on your smooth pale skin and watch how the colors would look on you. The bruise that I left on your wrist—its color reminded me of a beautiful flower I once saw. Though, of course… I won’t do anything you don’t want me to. I know it hurt when I bit you, so if you don’t want any of that anymore, that’s fine with me too. The natural redness of your skin when you're embarrassed is a beautiful color too anyway.”

“Ah… thank you…” Bedivere finally finds his voice. “It did hurt, but I think I can put up with more. Um… Are you into biting?”

Merlin chuckles again. “Not really. But I am _a tiny bit_ into leaving my marks.”

“…What else are you into? Maybe we can try them.”

“Oh, I'm into some really weird things that someone as innocent as you shouldn’t try just yet.”

“Tell me, and I’ll decide that.”

“I really shouldn’t.” Merlin kisses him on the jaw again. “You're just bothered that you took an inactive role last time, right? I’ll just teach you like I promised so you can do more, but let’s not do the other things yet.”

“If you're fine with that…”

Merlin holds his hand. “Let’s go to your room, then.”

For the second time, despite all his doubts of this situation’s morality, Bedivere decides to go.

\--

Just like the first time, Merlin immediately kisses Bedivere the moment they enter the room. Merlin’s hands were gently placed on his cheeks, and Bedivere realizes that he's gotten used to kissing. It was only two nights ago when this entire act was something completely unfamiliar. He really is a fast learner. Hopefully it won’t be hubris if he gives himself that recognition.

But when Merlin suddenly pulls away, Bedivere gets the sinking feeling that maybe he was actually doing this wrong, after all.

“Let’s transfer to your bed.” Merlin smiles. “And then, I want you to take control of the kiss. Is that fine?”

“Um… take control…” Bedivere repeats. He immediately regrets even thinking that he's already used to kissing. He doesn’t think he's skilled enough to take control, and he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to make Merlin feel the things he feels when they kiss. “Are you sure?”

When Merlin kisses him, he feels so… wanted. Like he's someone so attractive and deserving of attention that Merlin couldn’t stop giving him all these longing kisses. Each time their lips and tongues touch, it’s as if there's a very slight feeling of electricity in his entire body, like he's feeling everything at once, and ‘everything’ refers to pleasurable things that he can’t accurately describe with words. His heart would be beating so fast and his senses would be so dialed up that the slightest touch makes him want to lean in more.

There’s no way that he’d be able to make Merlin feel that way—

“You look so worried.” Merlin softly thumbs his lower lip. “If it will help, I’ll show you what I like, so watch closely.”

“O-Okay.”

Merlin kisses him again, and he feels Merlin’s hand rubbing him against his pants. Even if they already slept together and did much more than this, it still made Bedivere feel like he's burning. It should be obvious that they're both hard right now, but that fact being acknowledged by this action makes him… hyperaware of it.

Merlin pulls away and ends the kiss with a soft peck, his hand stopping its movement at the same time. “…There. I really, really like it when my partner does that to me while kissing. Can you do that?”

That’s… That’s really too bold for him. But if he wants a more active role and make Merlin feel good, he has to get over his embarrassment.

Bedivere nods. “If I do anything wrong, please tell me.”

“Shhh, don’t worry.” Merlin pecks his lips. “Kiss me.”

And so Bedivere does.

He wants to make Merlin feel the way he does when they kiss, but he knows he can’t. Someone as flawlessly attractive as Merlin—and taking into account how way more experienced he is compared to Bedivere—must already know how desirable and beautiful he is. Everything Bedivere can do to him must already been done before—and in a better way.

But he’ll try.

If he can make Merlin feel good tonight, even if it’s not an experience that will particularly stand out in his memories someday, maybe it would be good enough.

His hand was copying what Merlin demonstrated to him just a while ago. It was just a simple and straightforward motion—just rub against the cloth softly, but make it firm enough to be felt. Merlin lets out an encouraging hum that sounded so much like a pleased purr.

Maybe… Maybe this is why Merlin wants to hear him make those embarrassing sounds.

It’s a bit…

Sensual. He doesn’t know if that’s the word.

All he knows is that he likes hearing it.

Bedivere copies what Merlin did that other morning—when he’d use his thumb to rub the tip and firmly press in such a controlled manner, enough for it to feel good but not enough for it to hurt. Everything he's doing is just copied from Merlin, even the way he moves his tongue against the latter’s.

Because it made him feel so good when Merlin did these things to him, and maybe, hopefully, they would make Merlin feel good too.

Merlin pulls away, and he lets out that satisfied hum once more. He leans his forehead against Bedivere’s and kisses his nose. “I almost forgot that I wanted to transfer to the bed. Good work, Bedi, but there's one thing I noticed.”

“…Yes?”

“I can feel your nervousness, you know. It shows in your actions. You're too worried you won’t do a good job. I say, don’t worry too much, and just do what you feel like doing.”

“That’s…” Ah, he feels so embarrassed now. “…You're right. I'm sorry. I really—”

Merlin interrupts him with a soft peck to his lips. “Shhh, don’t be sorry. Mmm, didn’t you say you were attracted to me?”

“I did…” Why is Merlin bringing up that now? His heart won’t stop beating fast.

“Just express that. Don’t think too hard.” Merlin smiles. “Just touch me the way you would someone who attracts you. Like your nervousness, your desire will show in your actions, and who won’t feel good being the recipient of yours, right?”

“Is that really enough?”

“Of course it is.”

“I-I want you, Merlin.”

“I didn’t expect you to be so straightforward. But then again, despite your meekness, you’ve always been articulate.” Merlin chuckles. Just like last time, Merlin is the one to guide Bedivere to the bed even if it’s his.

Merlin sits on the middle of the bed with Bedivere choosing a position beside him. “Now, then, Bedi. Let’s continue where we left off.”

Bedivere lets the kiss he initiated to serve as his reply. He can feel Merlin’s smile, and it’s encouraging, if he were to be honest. During the mornings, when Merlin smiles, it always feels like he's up to no good, but when it’s in a private setting, somehow, there's something… serene. Captivating. Otherworldly, like the rest of him.

He starts palming Merlin through his clothes again. Merlin breaks the kiss and immediately transfers to pepper kisses on his neck. He finds himself breathing a bit harder.

But he shouldn’t let that distract him.

He wants to make Merlin feel good too.

Merlin starts to dart his tongue to Bedivere’s earlobe, and he couldn’t keep himself from squirming a bit. He hears a soft chuckle from Merlin, and that made things infinitely more embarrassing, as he tried to focus on trying to pleasure Merlin with his hand’s ministrations. But Merlin’s teeth ever lightly grazing on his ear was so distracting, it was so tempting to just let himself fall back to Merlin’s arms.

“…You can take it out.” Merlin whispers to his ear. Bedivere tries to hide the probably anticipated shiver that resulted from the action. “Only if you want to, of course.”

“Take it out…” Bedivere repeats. Touching Merlin— _that_ part of his body… and without this layer of clothing to keep their skin apart…

It’s so embarrassing, and it’s making his heart race.

But maybe, he is a tad curious.

“…Can we take off our clothes now, then?” He decides to ask.

And taking off each other’s clothes was faster than it was last time. It was easier, like he only had to do it once to be able to memorize everything he has to do to accomplish the action fast. Merlin’s body was as captivating as it was the first time. His spotless and flawlessly beautiful skin was still as breathtaking, and it still makes him feel inadequate.

But here he is, anyway. Even if he's inadequate, even if Merlin has had dozens of better bed partners, he still wants to try to make Merlin feel good.

His hand was fortunately not trembling as he tentatively places it on Merlin’s length. He holds it the way Merlin held him that other morning, he tries his best to remember what Merlin did that made him feel so good, and he hopes that he could do the same thing. He starts moving his hand up and down, and Merlin starts nuzzling his neck.

“If there's anything you want me to do…” Bedivere whispers. “…Just say it, okay?”

“You really should stop saying ‘anything’ so carelessly.” Merlin chuckles against him. “Don’t give me too much power.”

“But I want to make you feel good. So I want to know what you like…”

Merlin pulls away. His eyes then seemed to twinkle. Though he was beautiful, captivatingly beautiful, somehow, then and there, Bedivere felt like…

…He was looking at someone dangerous.

“Use your mouth then.”

“My…” His face is burning up again. “…Sorry, what?”

“Your mouth.” Merlin repeats as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “I want you to use your mouth.”

“My mouth…” Bedivere repeats as well. “…On what?”

Merlin blinks twice.

And then he chuckles.

“Oh, my, do you mean it?”

“Um…”

“Your mouth. I want you to put it inside your mouth.”

“…Huh?”

“Well, as I said, if you don’t want to, then I’ll think of something else.”

“No, no—I'm just—” Bedivere bites his lower lip. “…People do that?”

“Yup.” Merlin makes eye contact with him. Bedivere looks away. “I can demonstrate it on you so that you’d know how it’s supposed to work.”

“No! That won’t be necessary! I mean… I'm supposed to be the one making you feel good tonight, so…”

“Will you try it then?”

“Yes, I’ll…” Bedivere looks at it. And he wonders if it would even fit in his mouth. “If I do anything wrong, just tell me.”

“Just make sure to not use your teeth. That hurts a lot in a way I don’t like. Aside from that, I think it’ll be fine.” Merlin hums. “Are you sure you don’t want me to show you how it’s done though?”

The offer truly is tempting, way too tempting. It’s far easier to just let Merlin do everything, and there would be a guarantee that Merlin would do it well.

“You can do it after me… like showing me where I went wrong.” Bedivere’s voice was soft. “What do you want me to do with my mouth?”

Merlin kisses him softly. “How vulgar am I allowed to speak?”

He hadn’t even realized that his question was one that could warrant a vulgar response.

He does now.

“I-I suppose just say what you want honestly.”

Merlin starts burying his face on Bedivere’s neck again and hums. “…I want you to suck me off until I come.”

Bedivere didn’t know that mere words could have the power to make him whimper. He's just not used to hearing things like this. That must be it. That’s all there is to it.

“Just tell me if I do it wrong, okay?” Bedivere kisses Merlin’s lips softly—it’s funny how he thinks that that is a bold action considering what he's about to do—before he dips down, and Merlin decides to prop himself up using one of Bedivere’s pillows.

Up close, it looks even bigger. He gives its tip a hesitant lick, and its taste was…

Well, he doesn’t know what he was expecting, really. But he didn’t expect it to taste a bit…

…Sweet?

It wasn’t anything he already tasted before, but it certainly wasn’t an unpleasant taste. He gives it another swipe of his tongue, from the base of its head up to its tip. He wraps his lips around it and softly kisses its tip before putting it back in his mouth. Merlin’s hum sounded pleased, and it was encouraging.

Maybe he's on the right track.

He decides to use his hand—honestly, he really thought he’d be stupidly pausing here and there and make this embarrassingly dull, but his body seems to be moving on its own and coming up with new gestures to try. He strokes it as he continues sucking, trying to take it deeper than he already did.

He feels Merlin tucking some of his hair behind his ear and stroking his cheek, more of those sensual low groans filling Bedivere’s senses. “Mmm, look at me.”

Just the thought of making eye contact with Merlin while doing this is making his heart feel like it would explode.

But he doesn’t regret looking up.

Merlin’s expression then was a perfect mix of pleasure and lust. It was an expression that Bedivere can’t imagine himself ever forgetting. Merlin’s finger was soft against his cheek, and his hums were low, but Bedivere still feels like these supposedly subdued details are consuming him.

“You're so beautiful.” Merlin murmurs. “Just keep looking at me, alright?”

Just then, Bedivere gets the weird and sudden thought that he really, really wanted to kiss Merlin.

He decides to forget it by trying to take Merlin even deeper in his mouth. His inexperience hinders him in the form of making him gag, and he pulls away, some of Merlin’s come spilling from his lips to his chin. He lifts his hand to wipe it off, but Merlin intercepts his hand with his, his thumb caressing the back of Bedivere’s hand the way he did to his cheek just a few moments ago.

“Don’t wipe it off.” Merlin says. His voice was just like the usual—light and gentle—but those words somehow felt like an order that Bedivere would like to follow. “And slow down a bit for yourself.”

“Sorry…” Bedivere feels really embarrassed now. Maybe he did get ahead of himself for a while there. Just—he felt that he had to do something to distract himself from the sudden thought he just got. “…Was I doing well before that though?”

“Yup, you are, especially for the first try and not to mention, not even being the recipient of it yet. There's no reason to apologize.”

That’s relieving to hear, at least. “I-I’ll try again now.”

Bedivere takes it in his mouth again, just enough to get the whole head in. He starts stroking it with his hand again as he does. He licks its sides but ultimately goes back to sucking on the head. He feels Merlin tucking some of his hair behind his hair again, then his soft hands transfer to Bedivere’s cheeks.

“I’ll start thrusting in myself.” Merlin whispers. “Try to keep up with me.”

And Merlin does so as he said.

Bedivere only realizes that he has started to tear up a bit when he felt that his eyes stung. He couldn’t keep himself from moaning and whimpering as Merlin thrust inside. With each thrust, it’s as if he's tasting more and more of that slightly sweet thing. He breaks eye contact when he closes his eyes, but he immediately opens them because he feels like his senses doubled their sensitivity when he had them closed.

All his senses could register is Merlin. It’s all Merlin. And it’s starting to get a bit overwhelming.

It isn’t unpleasant, but it is overwhelming and the slightest bit scary.

Merlin releases inside his mouth with Bedivere instinctively swallowing. Merlin’s groans sounded so fulfilling that even if it weren’t Bedivere who came, he still received the same satisfaction. Merlin sounded good, he felt good, he looked good, and he tasted good. Merlin was beautiful in all aspects—

Merlin pulls out, and Bedivere starts wiping the come that spilled to his chin. He starts licking his fingers the way Merlin did that time—that action made Merlin look so inviting, he hopes Merlin would feel the same looking at him.

Is he still even looking at Bedivere?

Bedivere looks up again to check. Merlin was watching him with those half-lidded eyes as he licked his fingers. Their eye contact this time felt so charged, it made Bedivere feel hot all over, and he wouldn’t dare break it.

But it breaks when Merlin suddenly inches forward and starts kissing him so hungrily. They fall to the bed together with Merlin on top of him, Merlin’s hands on his cheeks as if to keep his face in place. Merlin was kissing him with so much fervor that he didn’t have before, and it’s making Bedivere feel like he's being…

Consumed.

And it was oddly okay.

Merlin pulls away, but not before letting his teeth gently tug on Bedivere’s lower lip. “Mmm, I want you too, by the way.”

It’s as if Bedivere has had his breath taken away with how deeply he is breathing at the moment. “…I'm flattered.”

“I should be the one who’s flattered.” Merlin plants a kiss on his jaw, whispering. “After all, a king wanted to be in my position and failed.”

“Um… Can we not talk about other people while doing things like this together?”

“Haha, all right!” Merlin grazes his teeth lightly on Bedivere’s neck. Bedivere squirms. “Then let’s talk about you instead.”

“Should we really be talking in this situation?”

“Why not? Communication is everything. Besides, if we just have sex without talking, that’s a bit boring, isn’t it?”

Merlin starts kissing his neck again while Bedivere thinks of what to reply. Thinking is getting a bit more difficult with Merlin peppering kisses from his neck, to his collarbones, to his chest. His tongue darts out and teases Bedivere’s nub which elicits a deep sigh. Right, aside from lightly brushing his hands against this part, Merlin didn’t do much in this area last time. This is still a new experience for Bedivere.

He's not new to the idea that they do respond to stimuli. Sometimes when he dresses up and fabric lightly brushes against them, they do respond, but he never really thought about it before, especially not in a sexual context. That’s why he found it so surprising that right now that Merlin is licking and sucking on this part of his body, he feels so warm all over.

Merlin transfers to the other one, and Bedivere thanks that there were no comments regarding the erratic beating of his heart nor on his ragged breathing.

“H-How am I… even supposed to talk…” Bedivere manages. His length is brushing against Merlin’s thighs, and he doesn’t want to think about it. “…I-I can’t think of anything else but what you're doing to me.”

Merlin simply hums and starts stroking Bedivere’s length as he continues what he was doing with his tongue. Both sensations at the same time are almost too much to bear. His moans are starting to get too loud for his liking. Even if no one will hear them, it’s still too embarrassing to hear himself like this.

When Merlin pulls away and the cold air greets his wet skin, Bedivere shivers. Merlin also doesn’t stop stroking him, and he knows—he knows that Merlin is closely observing his reactions, and it’s making him feel really self-conscious. Earlier, when Merlin’s face was clouded by pleasure and lust, it made him look so erotic. But Bedivere right now probably looks so ugly, depraved, and disgusting. He can’t imagine anyone enjoying looking at him in this situation.

“Let me see the back of your wrist.” Merlin says. There's never anything authoritative about his orders, so Bedivere realizes that taking orders must just be second nature to him as he immediately shows Merlin the mark on the back of his wrist. It has become a deep shade of purple with a hint of red, obviously in the shape of a human bite.

Even if Merlin isn’t human.

Merlin doesn’t stop stroking him as he uses his other hand to gently caress the bruise. It didn’t hurt. It really looks way worse than it actually is. “Does it hurt?”

“Not at all.”

“Can I leave another one?”

“A-As long as I can hide it, feel free.”

Merlin sighs almost exaggeratedly as his hand stops. “So the neck really is forbidden…”

“W-What’s with your obsession about my neck?”

“It’s a sensitive spot of yours.” Merlin chuckles. Bedivere looks away for fear that he’ll spontaneously combust on the spot. “Of course I noticed.”

“Of course you noticed…”

“You always shiver or make cute sounds when I touch it.”

“…Of course you noticed.” Bedivere merely repeats.

“Well, where would you like me to put it next?” Merlin looks up at him. “There's already one on your shoulder, your inner thigh, and of course, the back of your wrist.”

As Merlin used teeth on the back of his wrist, it has the most alarming and painful-looking mark. The ones on his shoulder and inner thigh looked more akin to a bruise that will disappear in less than week.

Though that doesn’t imply in the slightest that they're less noticeable.

“Ah, I get it.” Merlin gently kisses his collarbones. “How about your stomach?”

“I suppose that'd be fine.”

Merlin kisses his collarbones again, his chest, making his way downward until Bedivere’s stomach. Just like last time, Merlin started sucking on his skin quite harshly. Because of his fair complexion, the marks that Merlin leave would be easily noticeable if anyone ever sees them. They were a stark contrast, like how easy to see a puddle of ink on paper would be.

Merlin doesn’t use his teeth this time. When he pulls away, Bedivere immediately looks at the newest mark he left.

“Would you like me to make one on your body too?” Bedivere softly asks. His voice was just a little above a whisper. He supposes that the question is still a bit too bold for him despite everything they have done so far.

Merlin hums, smiling as he kisses Bedivere’s nose. “Maybe next time.”

“Oh… okay.” Now he feels a bit embarrassed for asking. Even more so since he was already embarrassed initially. “Well, then… Just tell me what to do next.”

“Hmmm…” Merlin sounded as if he was actually in deep thought. “All right, then, I have a question.”

“Yes…?”

“You’ve never touched yourself before, have you?”

Merlin asked him so casually. If only Bedivere’s hearing were slightly faulty, he’d think that Merlin decided to ask him something completely unrelated from their conversation. With the way he looked like, they might as well have been talking about literally anything else that isn’t this.

“…Well. That’s right. Why do you ask?”

“Well, you see,” Merlin smiles. “I was wondering if you could do it now because I’d really like to watch. Only if you'd let me, of course.”

Somehow, that’s even more embarrassing than everything they’ve already done together combined. Bedivere doesn’t know if he's just overreacting, but that’s what he felt. He's hoping that the light of the moon peeking at his window isn’t enough to show exactly how red he must be at the moment.

“Um, that’s a bit…” Too much? Is it really ‘too much’ after everything? Is this really where he draws the line? Bedivere knows that that’s not quite right either. He doesn’t know what word he’d use to end this sentence, so he stupidly just let himself trail off.

“Well, I understand if you don’t want to. I'm fine with preparing you myself like I did last time.”

Yes, this doesn’t make sense. Why does the idea of touching himself and letting Merlin watch more embarrassing than letting Merlin do the work for him?

“No, it’s…” Bedivere bites his lower lip. Merlin is looking at him anticipatingly. “It’s okay… I’ll give it a try.”

He could feel Merlin’s attentive eyes on him as he thinks about how he's doing so many things he thought he would never do, including things he thought he _should_ never do.

He lies beside Merlin, and Merlin lies on his side to look at him. As for himself, he keeps his eyes trained on the ceiling because he couldn’t imagine making eye contact with Merlin while touching himself without spontaneously combusting on the spot.

He’ll try to imagine that he's on his own. Not that he's firmly against the truth that Merlin is here, but maybe he’d be less self-conscious. This way, he’d be thinking that he just wants to make himself feel good.

“Wait, before you get started,” Merlin’s voice interrupts his thoughts, immediately taking him out from his imagined situation where he's alone before it even began. He feels a small vial in his fingers, and he looks down to check what it is. Immediately, he remembers. This is what Merlin used the first time to make everything feel… smoother. “Use this.”

He still doesn’t know what it is. When he asked Merlin, all he said that it’s to make things easier.

And it did, so he lets Merlin uncap it and pour lots and lots—so generously just like the other night—on his fingers. He starts teasing his own entrance just like Merlin did, albeit maybe a bit slower.

He closes his eyes. He has never done this because he was convinced that it was bad. If he were to be honest, he thinks maybe his doubts would never really fully disappear. But right now, he's holding Merlin’s words close to his heart.

_What you do in your bedroom is your business._

_There are times when we have to question pre-existing mores._

_There are just some things we’re allowed to hide from others._

His finger slides in quite easily. There was almost no resistance from his body at all. Whatever this liquid was, it really made things easier. It was slippery but not at all sticky, not at all uncomfortable inside him. He puts in another finger, and his body doesn’t resist that as well. Just a few nights ago, all of this were something he wouldn’t even dare imagine, yet now even his body is showing how fast he adjusts to things.

He remembers what Merlin did. He remembers how Merlin slid his fingers inside and outside, and he does his best to copy it. It felt oddly… satisfying to know that he's the one in control of what's happening to his body at the moment, that if there's something he wants to try or to feel somewhere, he can immediately do something about it.

He remembers that spot Merlin repeatedly touched, that part that made him practically shiver in pleasure.

And he must have done something right because it felt good, so good that he immediately opened his eyes without meaning to.

There he sees that Merlin really was intently watching him.

Somehow, that made him feel a bit… excited. No matter how embarrassing that is. No matter how lewd that is. He started touching that spot again and again, and though he initially wanted to keep his eyes shut out of embarrassment, now that their eyes have met, it’s as if he couldn’t even bring himself to look at anything else.

He feels like he’ll drown in the violet hues of Merlin’s eyes that manage to look beautiful even in the dark as he overwhelms himself with his own actions. He can’t believe that his fingers are picking up their speed. He can’t believe how good this feels. He can’t believe that he's letting Merlin watch him do something like this and even maintain eye contact with him. He can’t believe the sounds that he's shamelessly letting out.

When he feels that familiar feeling of pleasure building up in his body, he stops and takes out his fingers.

Merlin already came once earlier, and he's still perfectly conscious at the moment. Bedivere knows he won’t be able to say the same about himself.

“Why did you stop?” Merlin starts to inch closer to him again. Bedivere feels his fingers rubbing the outside of Bedivere’s entrance, as if to say that he’ll continue where Bedivere left off. “You were doing so great too.”

“I didn’t want to go ahead without you.”

“Very thoughtful as always, aren’t you?” Merlin pulls away his fingers. Bedivere doesn’t want to admit that he almost let out a disappointed noise. “Well, then, I want you to take charge tonight. In more vulgar terms that I don’t think you deserve to hear, well, I’d really like you to ride me.”

“So why did you say it anyway…”

“Sometimes, we get things we don’t deserve… haha, or something like that! Anyway,” Merlin smiles at him. “Do you want to? Of course, I can always come up with something else if you don’t.”

“No, it’s fine. I can give it a try.”

“Are you sure?”

“It’s fine. You don’t have to keep on giving me escape routes, you know.”

“All right.” Merlin goes back to propping himself up with one of Bedivere’s pillows. “Come here, then.”

Bedivere wouldn’t have believed anyone who told him he’d be doing something like this—and with Merlin at that—a week ago. But here he is, lathering whatever that slippery liquid is on Merlin’s length before proceeding to lower himself slowly and carefully on it. He keeps his hand on Merlin’s shoulder as he closes his eyes and lets out a sigh. It’s as if in this position, Merlin’s length is reaching him deeper than he did before.

Merlin started leaving soft pecks on his neck, his own arms firmly wrapped around Bedivere’s waist.

Oddly enough, like this, he suddenly gets the realization that he really isn’t used to being embraced.

Not like that’s anyone’s fault aside from his own. He just shies away from physical affection.

Until recently, that is.

It was only recently that he has allowed someone to be this physically close to him. He has never really expected that he’d be this comfortable to touch anyone, much less Merlin, much less touching in _this_ sort of context.

He buries his face on Merlin’s neck as an attempt to muffle the embarrassing sounds he's making. He hasn’t really expected that a mere change in position makes the experience feel entirely different as well. Merlin kisses his neck a bit more. “How do you feel? Does it hurt anywhere?”

“N-No, it’s just… I think you're reaching deeper like this.”

“Of course.” Merlin chuckles. “There won’t be much point in trying out new positions if it all feels the same, right?”

“That makes sense…”

“Well, do be careful when you move. I don’t want you to hurt yourself.” Merlin places a hand on his cheek and initiates a kiss. It wasn’t one of those kisses they had where they used tongue. It was just a soft kiss with their lips moving against each other, that kind of kiss where Bedivere feels Merlin has a smile on even with his eyes closed.

Bedivere starts moving, and they both groan at the same time. He feels Merlin’s teeth grazing lightly on his lower lip, his free hand transferring to Bedivere’s other cheek. His hold on Bedivere’s face was gentle yet firm, his kisses even more so. It’s quite jarring how Merlin can kiss him so gently but is also able to give him a deep, hungry kiss.

Merlin’s hums and groans in between the kisses as they move were like… music. Like a skilled bard performing with a lute, he made sounds that Bedivere liked to hear closely. Like this, he had his mind off the own sounds he makes, the same sounds that he would usually go out of his way to stop because of how much they're embarrassing him. Like this, he can’t help but forget about everything else and just focus on Merlin.

The kiss breaks. Bedivere starts planting soft kisses on Merlin’s neck. It was satisfying when Merlin chuckles, as if it tickled, as he threads his fingers through Bedivere’s hair. “Getting a bit bolder, aren’t you?”

“A-Ah.” Bedivere immediately pulls away, his face hot. “Sorry, um… I-I just thought you'd like it—”

“Hey, I didn’t say it was bad.” Merlin looked amused, his hands back on Bedivere’s cheeks as a reassurance. “Go on.”

“Never mind, I'm too embarrassed now…”

Merlin laughs. “Aww, sorry! Come on, please?”

Bedivere decides to not reply for fear that he might say anything even more embarrassing. Instead, he just goes back to kissing Merlin’s neck softly again. Just a soft, fleeting touch of his lips against Merlin’s skin. He can’t tell if Merlin was legitimately ticklish or just humoring his efforts as he lets out chuckles and purrs that sound approving.

“Mmm, try moving a bit faster if it’s okay.” Merlin whispers against his ear. He feels himself tighten around Merlin as he shivers, eliciting an approving moan from the latter.

He had the feeling Merlin would comment something embarrassing right at that moment, so he initiates a kiss before Merlin even had the chance. He starts to move faster like Merlin said as they kiss. At least, this way, if Merlin can’t say anything, then Bedivere won’t have to hear anything embarrassing.

He feels Merlin deep inside him, deeper and harder than before. Merlin seems to not be making an effort to keep his own groans in check, and it was almost… intoxicating. Merlin was staring straight at him, looking if he's trying to feel whatever Bedivere is doing to the fullest, and Bedivere finds that he couldn’t keep himself from maintaining eye contact with this inhumanly, unfairly beautiful man in front of him.

His heart was beating fast as they kiss again. He comes, and Merlin tightly wraps his arms around him while following suit.

He couldn’t think of anything but Merlin, Merlin, Merlin as he closes his eyes and lets himself weaken in these firm arms holding him.

**Author's Note:**

> I have more written for this fic but Merbedi is such a rare ship, I'm not really sure if there will be interest. If you're interested, please let me know! Winkwink


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